Alvin and Brittany's Midnight Party House
by CosmicKitten89
Summary: Alvin's mature spinoff of Simon's Q & A show.  Submit your dirty questions, dares and song requests in the review section.
1. Chapter 1

**Alvin's Midnight House Party (For Mature Viewers)**

**Well, Simon's Q & A show was so popular that Alvin decided to have one of his own. Simon succeeded in convincing the studio director to allow him to have his own show. **

**Alvin will be accepting questions from viewers, and dirty questions are particularly welcome (but the questions do not have to be dirty). Brittany will also be a frequent guest on the show, and she and Alvin will be willing to take your dares. Song requests are also welcome (but expect Alvin to mangle your song into a dirty parody!)**

**(Disclaimer: I do not own Alvin, his brothers, or Brittany).**


	2. Brittany's DR

(Disclaimer: I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks, or any of the songs that are sung.)

Alvin: Alright! It's time for Alvin's Midnight Party House!

Brittany: Guest starring _me, _of course.

Alvin: Yeah, whatever. We're gonna have a hot, sexy night tonight. We're gonna have tons of wild, sexy, musical fun, instead of being boring and prudish like Ask Simon!

Brittany: Speaking of which, how many viewer posts did you get compared to him?

Alvin: Well, I asked Simon and he bragged about how many he got since last week… but I bet half of them are flames like that Kayla Shayla and that Fiona from last time… (laughs)

Brittany: And how many did you get?

Alvin: I haven't checked yet, let me check… (logs onto computer) Only _four_?

Brittany: Well, your show is new, after all.

Alvin: Yeah, I bet the questions and comments will come rolling in once people see how awesome my show is! (looks over questions) All right, hehe, time for Party Mixers!

Brittany: Uh, awesome! (whispers closer to Alvin.) Uh, Alvin, we're not old enough to-

Alvin: (extremely loud and clear) _Virgin_ Mixers, of course! You're only supposed to act like you're drunk for the sake of the audience!

Brittany: Okay, that sounds like fun!

Alvin: (Leaves and returns with the cocktails) All right, the pink one is for you, and the yellow one is mine!

Brittany: (Sips) Ahhhh… _Ice cold… like a blizzard…_

Alvin: (Sips) Ree-freshing! Drink up, Britt!

Brittany: (Drinks down half of the very tall glass) Yummmmm… I…

_Wake up in the mornin' feelin' a… li'l bit tipsy_…

Alvin: Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

Brittany: (Finishes the glass) Can I… can I have some of yours…

Alvin: Continue with the song!

Brittany:

_I grab ma bottle'm ou'da door, to get fuckedup in da city…_

_I gargle, rinse, repeat, 'stead a wi'mouthwash, wi'Jack_

_Af'r where I go, an' whaddi do, I ain't comin' back!_

Alvin: Excellent! All right, time to respond to the first post!

**Alec says:**

**Okay. Alvin. Nice to ask you this at last.**

**Why do you and Brittany fight so much?**

**Who would you date and bed out of the chipettes?**

**And What do you think of Alvin/Simon?**

Alvin: Haha, well, one reason why we fight all the time is because Brittany is usually insanely jealous. I say "usually" instead of "always" because, as you can see, she's not in a jealous state of mind right now (snickers).

Brittany: Whuhh… what?

Alvin: Relax, hon, it's not your turn yet. Well, who would I date and bed… asides from Brittany? I'd date any of them! But I wouldn't bed Eleanor. Sorry. I don't screw fat chicks. Jeanette, on the other hand… (lusty look to eyes)

Brittany:

_I'm… sexting ova da phone…_

_Strippin' off all ma clothes…_

_Guys showing off their bone…ers_

_Drunk-driving, breakin' our favorite CD's,_

_Crashing inta'lla house parties,_

_Crashing quite… literally…_

Alvin: Well done, Brittany! Anyway, I'll bet Jeanette's _real easy_… I don't mean slutty, she's a prude, won't even bed Simon yet, but she'd be real easy to date-rape, and she wouldn't put up much of a fight!

Brittany:

_Get crunk!_

_Let's get drunk!_

_Bartender, filla glasses up!_

_All night!_

_Till daylight_

_Or till I'm zonked out cold tonight!_

_Tik Tok!_

_See your cock!_

_Guess I'm getting DR'd now…_

Alvin: (laughs) See, Brit's the master of improv, even when she's d- when she's had too much juice – it's a scientific fact that the sugar in juice can make you crash like, majorly! Yeah, I know, Simon's rubbing off on me… As for your last question, Alec, well, I know that Simon would wholeheartedly object to this, but as for the bisexual side of me… Simon and me… YES!

Brittany: Simon and me… (sighs) hmmm…

Alvin: (gasps) Oookay, hehe, you know you've had too much sugar when the nerd looks hot! Next question!

**From The Chipette Protector:**

**What was UR biggest fight w/ Brittany?**

**Would u ever date Jeanette or Eleanor?**

**Did u date Charlene?**

**And how do u get Brittany to do what u want?**

Alvin: Haha, too many to count! All of our fights are equally big! And they're usually over me two-timing her… or three-timing her… or four-timing… And I already mentioned that if they were willing, I would date Jeanette and Eleanor! Sheesh, come up with your own questions! Although I must add that Eleanor can be quite a cunt when dealing with me, so I'd really rather date her drunk… or sugar-crashed, like Brittany here… and no, I didn't get to date Charlene, for Charlene was no pedophile… although I wanted to… As for how I get Brittany to do what I want? I'll show you later. (winks)

Brittany:

_Ain't got no hard drugs or pot, just lots of hard liqueurs_

_I wanna drink 'em all up, till I see nothin' but blurs,_

_But I can still see the boys movin' in for the kill_

_And I won't fuck 'um'less they look like Alvin Seville!_

Alvin: Great improv!

Brittany:

_Everybody's getting' real sick, sick,_

_Boys tryin' to show me their dick, dick,_

_If they do that I give 'em a kick, kick,_

_(right in that spot)_

_Now, now, we do it till we all blacked out, out _

_Or till the poh-lice take us downtown, town,_

_Poh-lice take us downtown, town_

_Po-po take us-_

Alvin: Okay, um, next post!

It's from chipmunkfanatic, who says:

**Hey whats up this is my first question ever . Alvin when you first met Brittany what thougths ran throu your head?**

**and this ones for Brittany Alright Britt I Dare you to Challenge Alvin to a Rock off **

**And another one for Alvin **

**Alright Alvin think you can sing Rock n Roll all night by Kiss **

**Alvin what happened to you and Charlene thought you two were going strong together?**

Alvin: Well, what I thought when I first met Brittany… We were only eight at the time, but, as Simon said on his show, we chipmunks hit puberty sooner than regular humans do. Although when I first met her, I was just shocked, then pissed that they took our hotel room. Although after I sang with her, I started to have… ahem, strange awkward feelings. I had strange thoughts of touching her in strange ways and in inappropriate places flashing through my head. That night, I had my first wet dream. As for Charlene, well, I already said why me and Charlene couldn't go strong. Watch the Crocodile Rock video I did with her – yes, that's me in the video, even though I'm wearing big nerdy glasses like Simon. Blame the costume directors. Anyway, if you watch Charlene, you can see that, even though she looks short like a kid, you can see that she has curves – boobs and hips and an ass. She is at least twenty years my senior. Although, if you ever saw the way I acted around my old teacher Miss Stone, you would have known that my tastes ran toward older women. And, fortunately for Brittany, my tastes have not grown with my age. Hey, Brittany, our fan is challenging us to a rock off!

Brittany: But I'm already rocking off…

Alvin: Just get up, turn on the karaoke and finish your song while I do my own special version of Rock and Roll All Night! (picks up a guitar and begins to jam on it.

_You pull down your panties, show me what you've got_

_You keep on cumming, and the room gets hot_

_You fuck me wild, I'll fuck you crazy_

_You say you wanna take me for a spin_

_My libido's revved, so I'll let you in_

_You keep on moanin', you keep on moanin'_

Brittany:

_Get crunk!_

_Let's get drunk!_

_Bartender, filla glasses up!_

_All night!_

_Till daylight_

_Or till I'm zonked out cold tonight!_

_Tok Tik!_

_See your dick!_

_Guess I'm getting DR'd now…_

Alvin:

_I wanna fuck and roll in bed all night and every day!_

_I wanna fuck and roll with you all night and every day!_

_I wanna fuck and roll in bed all night and every day!_

_I wanna fuck and roll with you all night and every day!_

Brittany:

_You knock me up_

_You rub me down_

_My heart, it pounds _

_When you fuck me_

_Put your hands on _

_My titties now _

_I'll make that sound _

_When you fuck me_

_You knock me up_

_You rub me down, _

_My heart, it pounds_

_When you fuck me_

_With my hands wrapped_

_Around your dong_

_Put your hands on-_

_Now, the party don't stop 'til I pass out-_

Alvin:

_You keep on sayin' you'll be mine for a while_

_You're looking sexy and I like your style_

_You fuck me wild, I'll fuck you crazy_

_You strip to show me everything you've got_

_Baby, baby, that's quite a lot!_

_Now fuck me wild, I'll fuck you crazy_

_You keep on moanin', you keep on moanin'_

Alvin and Brittany:

_I wanna fuck and roll with you in bed all night and every day_

_I wanna fuck and roll in bed with you all night and every day_

_I wanna fuck and roll in bed with you all night and every day_

_I wanna fuck and roll in bed with you all night and every day_

Alvin: YES! I win! You started singing to my song!

Brittany: Not fair… I'm pretending to be… drunk…

Alvin: And might I say, you're doing a fine job! Now, one last post to read!

**Cher says:**

**Ok 1st question for alvin have you ever made out with any of the chipettes? **

**2nd for brittany have you ever lip singed ? XP**

Alvin: Made out with any of them… Only Brittany. Well, when we did that parody of Chip Tracy, they made me make out with Jeanette. I would like to think that it was a guilty pleasure for both parties… I bet Jeanette secretly agrees that I'm a _waaay_ better kisser than Simon!

Brittany: Yeah, you sure are…

Alvin: Lalala, I did not hear you say that! You do not know that, for you have never kissed Simon! That was the juice talking!

Brittany: I thought you just… pretended to kiss Jeanette…

Alvin: Hehe, well, I bet Jeanette wanted to do it for real because she was upset that Simon had never kissed her before, and she was trying to make him jealous, which is why they did it in Sploosh.

Brittany: Or maybe you wanted to make me jealous…

Alvin: Hehe, that's the juice talking! You're too juice sensitive! They need to put a warning label on that stuff! Next time, Brittany, you're having plain water! All right, Brittany, your question is, have you ever lip synched?

Brittany: Only for fun. Never for a public performance… (passes out)

Alvin: Hehe, there you have it! The dangers of intensive juice consumption! Britt, looks like you're getting that DR after all!

(Alvin leaps on top of Brittany, and they roll around beneath the sheets of the prop bed.

Alvin and Brittany:

_I wanna fuck and roll in bed with you all night and every day_

_I wanna fuck and roll in bed with you all night and every day_


	3. It's Brittany, Bitch!

(Disclaimer: I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks.)

Alvin: WASSUP! Welcome to the second-ever episode of Alvin's Midnight Party House!

Brittany: I think it should be called Alvin and Brittany's Midnight Party House.

Alvin: Nah, too wordy.

Brittany: (Folds arms) Hmmph!

Alvin: Anyways, we've got a whopping eight posts this week!

Brittany: Simon got more this week, though.

Alvin: Probably from the haters.

Brittany: Actually, he got the haters to apologize!

Alvin: Goody-goody brownnose…

Brittany: (giggles) I can't wait until you get your first flame!

Alvin: Anyways, here's our first post, from The Chipette Protector:

**I don't think that was water Alvin.**

**Both of you: What would you make the others do if you could hypnotize them? (Gotta ask! ;)**

**If you both had a choice of what monster u had to turn into what would u choose?**

**And Alvin, did u ever read the book Frankenstein? And how is 'Franky' now?**

Alvin: (laughs) Well, of course it wasn't water! I already told you it was juice! Brittany, fetch the drinks!

Brittany: What am I, the Heineken beer maiden?

Alvin: No, you're the Tropicana juice maiden! Come on, chop chop!

Brittany: (smiles overly sweetly) With pleasure.

(walks off set and comes back with a foggy blue drink for him and an opaque pink drink for her.)

Alvin: Hey, is this water? 'Cause it's real foggy for water…

Brittany: It's a chemical that Jeanette calls-

Alvin: Dihydrogen monoxide, right?

Brittany: Actually, it's, um, (reads palm) C2H6O.

Alvin: But that's the same as dihydrogen monoxide, right?

Brittany: Sure.

Alvin: But what are you drinking?

Brittany: Strawberry milk.

Alvin: Well, good, I told you last week, no more juice. As for me, I think I'd rather have C-H-however-many-O's… (takes a big swig of the frosty drink) Aaahhh… gosh, it sure tastes funny…

Brittany: It has vanilla flavor in it.

Alvin: Oh, that must be why. I once drank a bottle of vanilla extract and got drunk off of it.

Brittany: Well, I used the fake stuff, so you should be fine.

Alvin: Anyway, our fan is asking us, what would we do if we could hypnotize people?

Brittany: Well, I'd start with hypnotizing you into changing the title of this show, and then I'd get you to confess everything that you don't want to say in front of me.

Alvin: I'd start with hypnotizing you to shut up! And then I'd hypnotize Simon into inventing a hypno-ray to hypnotize people who don't like me into becoming my fans!

Brittany: If you could hypnotize people, you wouldn't need to have Simon build a hypno-ray.

Alvin: Oh, right. And if I could be a monster, I'd be a vampire because vampires are SEXY!

Brittany: Same here. I wouldn't want to be a hairy she-wolf or an ugly rotten zombie!

Alvin: I once read Frankenstein for a school book report. I wanted to read the abridged version, but Simon made me read the really hard unabridged version… it wasn't bad for a hard book though… And Franky is still working at Majestic Studios. At first he had a really squeaky chipmunk accent, but his voice eventually deepened.

Brittany: Who's Franky?

Alvin: You don't wanna know. Anyways, next question! (gulps down until glass is two-thirds empty.)

Brittany: Gosh, is his tolerance high!

Alvin: What did you say?

Brittany: Um, I said you have sexy eyes!

Alvin: Thank you! Anyway, here's from Awesomo3000:

**Yo, Alv, Britt, Awesomo3000 here! I have some questions for ya!**

**ALVIN**

**Why do you love Brittany? Name three reasons.**

**Who is your favourite Autobot/Decepticon from the Transformers film series?**

**What is your favourite scene in Transformers 2? (Mine is when Optimus rips Grindor's head in half!)**

**Who do you think is hotter: Megan Fox or Kelly Brooke?**

**What is your favourite song by Greenday?**

**BRITTANY**

**Even though Alvin can be a pain sometimes, do you still love him?**

**What was it like flying around the world in a hot air balloon?**

**What did you think of Alvin when you first met him?**

**Do you and Alvin like the Annoying Orange?**

**Can you and Alvin sing I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas?**

**Please answer my questions! Thanks!**

Alvin: Well, here are my Top 3 reasons why I love Brittany: One, she looks sexy, two, she's got nice tits, and third and most importantly, she's got a great ass! Jeanette's got no ass, and Eleanor's got too much ass, but Brittany, she's got the perfect ass!

Brittany: So you only like me for my sexy tits and ass?

Alvin: I said those were my Top 3 reasons, they are not the only reasons!

Brittany: Tell me the others, then.

Alvin: No time! He only asked for three! We gotta move on! My favorite Autobot/Decepticon from the Transformers – He already asked us that on Simon's show! I seem to recall that his favorite was Sideswipe… yeah, I like Sideswipe too… Haha, that's my favorite scene too! Let's see, Megan Fox or Kelly Brooke… Fox is foxier, for sure! Aah, my favorite song by Green Day goes something like this:

_Another time you choose another over me_

_I guess I can't fulfill your sexual fantasy_

_So make the best of this affair _

_And don't ask why…_

_You know your cunt will loosen_

_And your tits will sag in time…_

_It's something unavoidable,_

_But then it serves you right,_

_I hope you have the time of your life_

_So keep the pornographic photos in your mind_

_Take nude shots of yourself_

_While you still look fine_

_Erotic memories_

_And naked skin on trial_

_For what it's worth_

_It will be worth the while_

Alvin and Brittany:

_It's something unavoidable,_

_But then it serves you right_

_I hope you have the time of your life_

(Brittany and Alvin laugh)

Alvin: Well, I said _something_ like that! (laughs)

Brittany: You ask if I still love Alvin even though he is a pain sometimes? You mean like right now? Yes. Oh, I did like the hot air balloon, even though Eleanor was always bitching at me to help out with the mission and I had to yell at Jeanette to keep her from going the direction Simon told her to go – and unfortunately, Simon turned out to be right that time, and as punishment for not trusting him, we crash-landed and my HAIR was RUINED… But other than that it was fun running around the world, visiting Paris and London and Rome and Pisa and all those other neat places which, admittedly, wouldn't be possible if Jeanette weren't able to figure out how to fly the balloon… Now, what did I think of Alvin when I first met him? An arrogant jerk who wanted to take our hotel room! But in the end, he helped us out. I think part of why he likes to help others out is because it boosts his ego to play the hero… and, as annoying as that is, part of me finds that to be rather… sexy… As for the Annoying Orange…

Alvin: (snorts in laughter)

Brittany: Well, Alvin likes that…

Alvin: All right, Brit, time to sing the Peas!

_I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a sex night_

_That tonight's gonna be a sex night_

_That tonight's gonna be a good sex night_

Alvin: Help me out here, Fergie!

Brittany: It's Brittany, bitch!

Alvin: Whatever, babe.

Alvin and Brittany:

_A feeling in my pants_

_That tonight's gonna be a hot night_

_That tonight's gonna be a hot night_

_That tonight's gonna be a fucking good night_

Alvin:

_Tonight's the night, let's live it up_

_I got my condoms, use 'em up_

_Go out and bang like oh my God_

_Roll on that sofa, let's get it on_

_I feel your clit, you feel my balls_

_If we strip all our clothes off and just lose it all_

_My balls are full, I wanna let it go_

_Let's go take off clothes off and losing all control_

_I'll fill your cunt, mazel tov_

_Look at you dancing, just take it off_

_I'll fuck your cunt, and then your ass_

_And in the mouth, and then all over again_

_Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it_

_And do it and do it, let's live it up_

_And do it and do it and do it, do it, do it_

_Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it_

Alvin and Brittany:

'_Cause I gotta feeling in my pants that tonight's gonna be a good night_

_For fucking, gonna be a good night_

_That tonight's gonna be a fucking good night_

Alvin: Whew! A little improv there; I think the final chorus was the best. All right, what do they want now? Okay, madeline2011 is asking:

**ok Alvin did you and your Brother have a hard time dealing with dealt with the death of Cookie Chomper III and do you all love your puppy Lily?**

**and Brittany I m sorry about Miss Miller pass away?**

**but how did you like movie to the chipmunks school?**

**and Alvin did you like play in the "Wall of Iron" concert by the Berlin Wall. was it fun can you do let the wall come down please? **

**and Brittany were do you and your sister live at now?**

Alvin: Yes, I fucking loved that cat! So much that I wanted to banish all the other fucking living things from the house! But Lilly changed my mind. She's an old dog now, but we still love her, and if I ever hear about a car hitting her, I am finding out whose car did it, and I will deliberately crash my car into that car!

Brittany: Yeah, R.I.P Miss Miller… We had no idea she was as old as she was until I read the birthdate on her tombstone. Turns out she habitually lied about her age

Brittany: Well, I didn't want to go to school at first, but Jeanette insisted, and Eleanor told me that we would get in trouble with truant officers if we didn't. I didn't like having to do schoolwork, but I liked getting to compete for student government positions and doing other activities at the school, and Alvin made sure that we were happy.

Alvin: I sure did! Well, yes, it was an honor to play for the "Wall of Iron" concert. In fact, I believe that "Let the Wall Come Down" was the main reason why the Wall came down. Eh-eh-ehem!:

_Far from the people getting killed in war,_

_We've got to look for an open door_

_Both of us working, searching for you and me_

_We dream of a time when we can be one_

_Clinging to orgasm under Earth's bright sun_

_So we will get together, we will fuck together if we try, hear our cry_

_Someday the pain of being split will be healed_

_And then when we fuck, oh, how good it will feel_

_Let the wall come down, smash the Nazis to the ground,_

_And free love will reign all around._

_So I will raise my voice so that you can hear,_

_Over the wall, I wanna hear your cheer_

_We want to be clinging to each other, so we're singing the cry, we will try._

_Someday the pain of being split will be healed_

_And then when we fuck, oh, how good it will feel_

_Let the wall come down, smash the Nazis to the ground,_

_And free love will reign all around._

_Let the wall come down, smash the Nazis to the ground,_

_And free love will reign all around._

So… whaddya think, Brittany?

Brittany: I think it was horrible! You completely butchered a song with a beautiful message! And for your info, the Wall had nothing to do with the Nazis, it was the Communists!

(Alvin stares quizzically at her.)

Brittany: Yes, sometimes I do pay attention in history class. Anyway, my sisters and I live back in the old treehouse where we lived before CPS made us live with Miss Miller. We did get Miss Miller's fortune, though, though we had to sell the house.

Alvin: Well, here's to hoping you like my next song better. (finishes up his drink) Chipmunk-chipmunkfanfantic asks:

**ok Brittany how much do you want to bet that I can out rock n roll you in front of alvin and on live TV.**

**And alvin if you could annoy anyone who would it be ?**

**and Brittany Qestion for you .**

**in the chipmunk adventure which group came out on top when the both of you started singing the boys and girls of rockn roll**

Brittany: Well, that was the girls who won, no question about it!

Alvin: I thought we agreed that it was a tossup!

Brittany: Well, I bet my new pink Porsche convertible that I can out rock and roll you right here and right now!

Alvin: Pink, eeww… oh well, I could always paint it red with flames! You're on!

Brittany:

(Stretches to get ready for dancing)

_Sun's coming down, I'm just getting up,_

_I'm headed for the city lights_

_In the red-light district, I'm all horny now,_

_Gonna get fucked good tonight!_

_You're whory little prostitutes,_

_They tell us_

_But we ain't gonna buy it,_

_The shit they try to sell us now!_

'_Cause we're the girls of rock 'n roll (in the bed)_

_Whoa…ye-eah!_

'_Cause we are the girls of rock 'n roll (in the bed)_

_Ro-o-o-o-ock 'n row-ul-ul-ul!_

Alvin:

(Plugs in his electric guitar)

_Oh ye-ah!_

_The brothel door's open and I'm ready to fuck_

_My erection's getting out of hand_

_Sex is the only thing I'd rather do_

_Than play for a rock 'n roll band!_

_I've been blessed with what I have been given_

_It's really big and long_

_Don't 'cha know! I'll keep on goin' _

_On and on now…_

_We're the boys of fuck n' roll_

_You're gonna believe it, Yeah, yeah, yeah!_

_Yeah, we're the boys of fuck n' roll_

_Fu-u-u-u-uck n' rowul-ul-ul-ul!_

Brittany:

_We are the girls_

_We are the girls_

_We are the girls _

_Of rock n' ro-wul!_

_(in the bed)_

Alvin:

_We are the boys_

_We are the boys_

_We are the boys_

_Of fuck n' roll-ll!_

_Cause we're the boys of fuck n' roll_

Brittany

_You gonna be believing that we are-_

Alvin: OK, everyone, my guitar playing PWNed Brittany's dancing, am I right?

Brittany: You wish!

Alvin: But certainly you agree that my chorus lyrics PWNed Brittany's!

Brittany: Pfft! You copied them off the song you did last week!

Alvin: Well, we'll leave it to the fans to decide! In your next review, tell us which of us you think PWNed!

Brittany: Why not have it as a poll?

Alvin: Because I'm going to set up a poll asking which of our dirty parody songs they like best! I'm gonna get rid of Simon's stupid "Who is the Smartest?" poll… we already know that not everybody thinks he's the most freakishly intelligent thing on the goddamn planet… three people actually voted for somebody else on the poll! Shocker, shocker… Anyways, if you want to cast your vote before we take the poll down, hurry up and go to our sponsor CosmicKitten89's profile and vote. Well, as for who I would annoy… I already get the pleasure of annoying the two people I love to annoy most on a daily basis: my brother Simon and my girlfriend Brittany. Alvinfan209 is now asking me:

**well... Alvin:**

**who do u find hotter: megan fox or Brittany?**

**and Brittany:**

**what do u think of Alvin´s answer?**

Alvin: Haha, I already confirmed that I think Megan Fox is hotter than Kelly Brooke… But as for Brittany… I'm going to have to go with Brittany.

Brittany: (smiles sweetly) And I think Alvin is a dirty pig and a fucking liar. But that's just my opinion. (giggles)

Alvin: Munk19 says:

**Lol! So my questions are...**

**Alvin, you said that you like the whole Alvin/ Simon thing. So have you ever thought or imagined you and Simon having se-...well...take a guess...I am just asking! Lol**

**Brittany, if you could change Alvin, what is the ONE thing you would change? (sorry Al, but I had to ask lol)**

Brittany: (gasps)

Alvin: What, you didn't hear me last time?

Brittany: (bats her eyelashes) So, exactly how…juiced was I?

Alvin: Hey, I didn't put a gun to your head and dump the juice down your throat! And I was just kidding about me… and my… brother…

Brittany: (stares at him sweetly) No, you weren't. Now, tell us all the truth.

Alvin: Ummm… OK. I am somewhat attracted to long and skinny, which is why I would be willing to bang Jeanette despite her lack of ass… Simon… I would tie him up and have him ask me difficult math questions I don't know to fuck with my brain while I fuck with his asshole…

Brittany: (face twitches, but she holds her calm expression.) Well, if I could change Alvin, I would make it so that he was one-woman kind of man! Not to mention one hundred percent straight!

Alvin: What the hell did I just say…?

Brittany: Just answer Fighter54's questions.

Alvin: OK.

**Man. I miss writing about the chipmunks.**

**Maybe I'll write a new chapter for Summer equals Romance.**

**Anyway, Alvin:**

**What would be your dream girl?**

**Who is your Idol for Music and I want you to sing one of their songs.**

**And would you date Fan girls? My sister fancies you.**

**Brittany:**

**What would be your dream guy?**

**Who is your Idol for Music and I want you to sing one of their songs.**

**and Why do you and Alvin fight so often?**

Alvin:

My dream girl, huh? Britney, of course!

Brittany: (Stares at Alvin) Really?

Alvin: I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about Britney Spears! It used to be Madonna, but then she got old… As for my idol… Michael Jackson!

Brittany: But he's dead!

Alvin: So is Elvis! But now we're going to hear rumors about Michael Jackson sightings and shit like that! Anyways, here's an MJ hit you fans will adore:

_Sexy baby with the skimpy thong_

_You give me a boner_

_Like I've never, ever known_

_You're just a product of Sexiness_

_I'd like to feel up your clit, your puss, your breasts_

_You give me a boner when you're not around_

_I'll abduct you in my car and we'll fuck around_

_Just fuck me baby and tell me twice_

_That you're the one for me_

_The way you make me feel_

_(All hot and bothered, yeah!)_

_You really turn me on_

_(I get all horny now)_

_You knock me off of my feet now baby-hee!_

_(I'll bet the sex is sweet)_

_My lonely days are gone_

_(Sex every night from now on!)_

_I like the feelin' you're givin' me_

_Just hand-job me baby and I'm in ecstasy_

_Oh I'll be workin' from nine to five_

_To buy Viagra and KY to keep our love alive_

_I never felt so horny before_

_Just promise, baby, you'll fuck me forevermore_

_I swear that I can keep you satisfied_

'_Cause you're the one for me_

_The way you make me feel_

_(All hot and bothered, yeah!)_

_You really turn me on_

_(I get all horny now)_

_You knock me off of my feet now baby-hee!_

_(I'll bet the sex is sweet)_

_My lonely days are gone_

_(Sex every night from now on!)_

_Now, come, girl!_

Brittany: Awesome! Now, tell me, who's this little slut in the skimpy thong you're singing about?

Alvin: Why, the little slut is you, of course.

**(BURN!)**

Alvin: (shrugs) Your words, not mine. As for fan girls… I would date them if they were hot enough!

Brittany: With my permission, of course!

Alvin: Yes… with your permission…

Brittany: My turn! Let's see, my dream guy would be…

Alvin: Not Bieber or the Jo Bros!

Brittany: Now don't get me wrong, they're cute boys, but my dream guy is a man… Justin Timberlake.

Alvin: Hey, am I not man enough for you?

Brittany: You will be someday. But a girl can dream, can't she? Anyways, I admit that I have the same taste in music idols as you do in dream girls. My idol used to be Madonna, but then Britney hit the scene.

(Brittany turns on the karaoke for "Toxic")

_Baby, can't you see? You're comin'_

_A girl like me should wear a warnin'_

_I'm dangerous, you're fallin'_

_There's no escape, you can't wait_

_You need a hit, need to touch my clit_

_I'm dangerous, you're loving it_

(Brittany strips off her dress)

_Too hot, can't cool down,_

_Losing your head_

_Your manhood spins around _

_Inside me baby, I feel it now…_

(Brittany shakes her boobs in Alvin's face)

_With a taste of my puss, you're on a ride_

_Your toxic cum slipping under_

_You let loose with a semen paradise_

_You're addicted to me, but you know that I'm toxic_

(Brittany gets kissing close to Alvin)

_And you love what I do, but you know that I'm toxic_

(Brittany pulls away from Alvin and spins around)

_It's getting late for giving up_

_You stuck your dick in a devil's cunt_

_Slowly, it's getting trapped in me _

_With a taste of my puss, you're on a ride_

_Your toxic cum slipping under_

_You let loose with a semen paradise_

_You're addicted to me, but you know that I'm toxic_

_Intoxicate me with your semen now_

_I think I'm ready to have a baby now_

_Intoxicate me with your semen now_

_I'm a succubus_

_Suck you into an abyss…_

(Brittany pulls down her thong.)

Alvin: Whoa.

Brittany: Oh, by the way, the reason we always fight is because of Alvin being such a player. But that's all going to change, isn't it, Alvin?

Alvin: Yes, Brittany.

Brittany: Strip, Alvin.

Alvin: (unzips pants and tosses them at Brittany.)

Time to do the no pants dance…

(Brittany crawls into Alvin's lap and pushes her groin close to his. They start kissing like crazy, first on the face, then on the chest, then on the private parts.)

Brittany: Oh, wait, there's one more message! And it's from Simon your brother!

Alvin: What? Mister Prim and Prude is now asking _moi_ to answer dirty questions for him?

Brittany: Nope. It says:

**Beloved Brother:**

**I may be too late in sending you this message, but an evil vampire version of you called Melvin and an evil vampire version of Brittany called Whitney are taking over your show. If you do not believe me, watch the last episode of Ask Simon. I strongly advise you to suspend the show until further notice (i.e. until the Darkmunks and Darkettes are vanquished.)**

**Your Loving Brother,**

**Simon Seville**

Alvin: Vampires… Simon's just playing a sick joke on me, that's all! Wants me to quit the show so his show will get more viewers… Thinks just because he's the greatest fucking genius of all time – and I'm serious about that! – that everyone else is a retard…

Brittany: Well, maybe he's right. I already told you what happened when I didn't heed his advice for that balloon race… Besides, his show hasn't suffered one bit since yours premiered; if anything, its ratings boosted thanks to yours!

Alvin: Well, whatever! I'm not canceling the show no matter what! Attention viewers, I will be here next week, so continue asking us questions like you normally do! Good night Hollywood!

Brittany: (Stares into Alvin's eyes) Intoxicate me, baby

Alvin: But you're the toxic one! And…(yawns) I'm too tired for fucking…

Brittany: Doggy style, now!

Alvin: (drops on all fours) Woof!

Brittany: (mounts Alvin) Giddyup!

(Alvin neighs)

(Brittany moans)

Brittany: He is so under my power…


	4. Party Crashers

(Disclaimer: I own nothing.)

Alvin: Hey there, all my beautiful, sexy fans! Told you I'd be back this week! Although apparently Simon isn't… Apparently busy with his dark forces role-play this week… what a geek…

Brittany: Here's the latest on the polls: We only received two votes…

Alvin: _Two votes?_ Come on, people!

Brittany: And both of them were for our dirty parody of the song "The Girls and Boys of Rock and Roll".

Alvin: Well, my personal favorite was "The Way You Make Me Feel".

Brittany: Ahem.

Alvin: Uh, I mean, "Toxic"!

Brittany: My favorite too.

Alvin: What? You mean "The Way You Make Me Feel", right?

Brittany: (smiles cutely) Sorry.

Alvin: Well, since you're Brittany, I think you should do a dirty Brittany song for the audience on every show, what do you say?

Brittany: Hmph! I was Brittany before that Spears girl was even born! Besides, her name is spelled "Brit-ney", the white trash variation of my "Brit-tan-y".

Alvin: Quit offending the fans named "Brit-ney", as you put it, and sing!

Brittany: With pleasure. (Turns on the boom box)

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_I think I did it again, _

_I made you believe_

_I was a virgin_

_Oh baby_

_A one-night stand, that is all_

_That it was, I don't fall_

_For every guy that I fuck_

_To lose all inhibitions_

_That is just so typically me_

_Oh baby_

_Oops I did it again_

_I got us both laid_

_Don't mean anything_

_Oh baby, baby_

_I hope I'm not knocked up_

_God I'm such a slu-u-u-ut_

_I'm so not innocent_

_You see my problem is this_

_The medical term_

_Is nymphomania_

_Can't you tell I'm a whore_

_I always want more_

_Even when I'm off-duty, baby_

_To fuck on the first date_

_That is just so typically me_

_Oh baby_

_Oops, I did it again to your dick_

_Made it cummmm… oh baby_

_Oops, I think I'm knocked up_

_God I'm such a slu-u-u-ut_

_I'm so not innocent_

Alvin: Hahahahahaha… Now _those_ are the lyrics that Spears _wanted_ to sing! Now, fans, when you review the show, I want you to tell me which Britney Spears song you want Brittany to sing next week!

Britney: Um, actually… (whispers into Alvin's ear)

Alvin: (Excited and slightly evil grin on his face) Make that what Britney Spears song you want Brittany to sing the week after next week! This week, I want you to ask Simon on his show if he will come to guest star on my show next week!

Brittany: (Laughs slightly diabolically) Now, aren't you going to get to the viewer's questions?

Alvin: Oh, right!

**Haha!**

**Brittany got Alvin good that time!**

**And be warned: The Shadows are coming!**

**Muhahahaha!**

**Enjoy!**

**- Melvin and Whitney**

Alvin: Haha, very funny, Simon! Next question!

**Chipmunkfanantic asks:**

**Great show you guys oh and Brittany you should Controll Alvin more **

**alright Alvin in the movie the Squekuel your Cgi self some how Hated this Ian Hawke Character? I mean whats so bad about him **

**And Brittany how did Ian Convence your cgi selves that The chipmunks left him? to me which I new was a lie but why did you and your cgi sisters actually Belive it just doesnt make sense to me **

**alright I got a question for both of you **

**IF both you ever Saw Ian Hawke ever again in your lives whtat would you do ?**

Alvin: OK, have you not watched that movie? He lied to our CGI selves about Dave, worked them until they were so tired they couldn't sing, and if you ask Theodore, the worst part was not being allowed to sleep with Ian when he had nightmares! He didn't care about the Chipmunks; all he cared about was money! Even I don't care about money that much! Oh, and he wanted to pay them each only 20 bucks a day, which, according to Simon's calculations, is less than part-time minimum wage!

Brittany: Well, I guess that the news didn't make a big deal about Ian abusing or losing the rights to the Chipmunks, so the CGI Chipettes didn't find out about it until they mailed themselves to the studio. If I saw that asshole in real life, I would keep my distance, but if he got near, I would kick him in the dick!

Alvin: Atta girl! I would nail that sleaze with a lawsuit! Next question:

**JayJayBrownie asks:**

**AWWWW...I wanted to ask something! Before your show ends! Umm, I don't mean to be really dirty, but do you mind if I could see Alvin make Brittany cum? Plz pick my question! And Alvin, why do you pick on your bros so much. They you ya know. One more, would you date African Americans girls. Just asking. I have to know ;)**

Alvin: Hold your horses, Jay, I pick everybody's questions! Come here, Brittany! (Sticks his hand in Brittany's panties, Brittany moans) There, now, show everyone your wet panties!

Brittany: (silky pink wet thong drips onto the floor) It's my favorite pair from Victoria's Secret!

Alvin: Well, I pick on my bros because it's just so damn fun! I'm so glad that I've got a nerd and a fat r-uh, childish chubbie for brothers, 'cause it makes the picking-on so fun!

Brittany: You almost called Theodore a fat retard!

Alvin: Um, no, for the record, I almost called him a fat rodent! And I meant fluffy, not fat! DO YOU HEAR THAT, THEO? I MEANT TO CALL YOU A FLUFFY RODENT, NOT A FAT RODENT, AND CERTAINLY NOT A FAT RETARD!

Brittany: Oookay…

Alvin: As for African-American girls… Well, I'm not too picky when it comes to race or even species, as you can tell from some of my past girlfriends…

Brittany: (stares at Alvin)

Alvin: But since Brittany is not African-American, my answer to that is no! You're white, right, Brittany?

Brittany: Um, I don't know if chipmunks can be classified into the same races as humans.

Alvin: Well, that'd be one to ask Simon. Next question, from Mr happyface!

**Great! Ok I want to give Eleanor some fun.**

**What is her bra size?**

**What's her deepest fantasy?**

**What does she do about her pubic hair?**

**And what does she like most about a man's body?**

**Actually ask all of the Chipettes this. Oh yeah and they should have to answer naked too. Just for fun, who doesn't like being naked? ;-)**

Alvin: (laughs devilishly) Ok, Britt, you first!

Brittany: Well, my-

Alvin: Naked, he said naked!

Brittany: (strips clothes off, tosses bra and cum-wet panties into Alvin's face). My bra size is C, well, actually, almost a D, and my deepest fantasy is to chase after Alvin in a Parisian mall and have very, _very_ vicious sex with him in public! And what I like most about a man's body are the muscles, especially those in the dick. As for my pubic hair, well, I don't do much with it except wax around the edges during bikini season.

Alvin: Yeah, you're one hairy-ass whore! Now, let's call Eleanor so she can have a share in the fun!

(both giggle.)

Alvin: (speed-dials Eleanor) Hello, Eleanor, are you there? Hello? Um, what is your bra size? Huh? How about your deepest fantasy? Your favorite thing about a man's body? What you do with your pubic hair? No answer. Hmm… Man, she must sleep like a ROCK!

Brittany: Maybe Jeanette will be awake. I'll call her. (speed-dials Jeanette) Hello, Jeanette?

Jeanette: Brittany, it's midnight!

Brittany: Well, that's when we do our show, and we got a question from an audience member; he wants you to strip down and answer these following questions: What's your bra size, what's your deepest fantasy, what do you like most about a man's body, and what do you do about your pubic hair?

Jeanette: Good night, Brittany. (hangs up)

Alvin: Man, that was no fun!

Brittany: Luckily, I happen to know the answers to all of those questions myself! (giggles wickedly) Eleanor's bra size is double-D, her deepest fantasy is to spray whipped cream all over Theodore and lick it all off before he fucks her, what she likes most about a man's body are the love handles, and she shampoos and combs her bush – or at least she used to. She recently started shaving it, because Theodore, being such a child, got freaked out when he first saw how hairy it was!

Alvin: You mean that…?

Brittany: Yup, they did it!

Alvin: Man, Theo didn't tell me! You hear that, Simon? The pressure's on! As for Jeanette?

Brittany: Her bra size is B-

Alvin: Really? I thought she was a _straight-A_ student! HAHAHAHAHAhahaha!

Brittany: Actually, she sometimes gets B's in school for forgetting to turn in her homework. But don't rub it in, for she is really ashamed of it.

Alvin: Well, Simon once got an A-minus in math when we were kids! But that's off topic. Now, what is Jeanette's deepest fantasy?

Brittany: Having sex in deep space. She says that having no gravity would cause your boobs and dick to swell out and become hyper-sensitive. What she likes most about a man's body, in case you haven't guessed, is the brain. And she has a bad habit of plucking her pubic hair. She's got a name for it – trikoticko-something… That would be something to ask on Ask Simon. Also, she's got a real bad habit of masturbating… God, she needs Simon to fuck her so bad…

Alvin: Next question, from theodorefan100!

**Alvin, have you or would you have anal sex with Brittany?**

**Brittany, would you actually LET Alvin have anal sex with you?**

Alvin: Yes, I sure have! I had run out of condoms, and Brittany had forgotten to take the pill, so she told me to ram it up the asshole so she wouldn't risk getting pregnant-

Brittany: That's the ONLY time I'll allow Alvin to do it.

Alvin: Yeah, she kicked me one time for shoving it up her ass on accident… It was dark, thought it was the cunt… loved how tight it felt…

Brittany: It was no accident! And if I had voluntary control over my bowel movements, I would have shit all over your cock!

Alvin: Next, from chipmunkfanantic again:

**Well Well Alvin if you look at the Polls my show is trayling right behind yours well review wise i only have 18 and you have 20 so it seems im going to have to find away to pass your show .but any way good luck becasue you and me got some Competion from here on out sucker and this is coming from my OC Adam Seville so good luck trying to beat me Alvin**

Alvin: Well, if you want to increase your viewership, you had better dirty your show up! As for competition, I embrace it! Maybe I'll ask Adam a question…

Melvin: Time for us to take over this show!

(Melvin and Whitney appear in front of Alvin, Brittany, and the audience.)

Alvin: What the hell…? You have got to be fucking kidding me! Listen up punk, this is no place for you cosplaying geeks to be hanging around-

Melvin: Silence! I am Melvin, leader of the Darkmunks, Destroyer of all worlds and your Master!

Whitney: Good job on keeping it short.

Melvin: Thank you.

Whitney: I am Whitney, Leader of the Darkettes.

Melvin: Seymour, time to show yourself.

(Seymour appears and grabs Brittany)

Seymour: I am Seymour, And please note, I AM THE ONLY VAMPIRE OF THE DARKMUNKS AND DARKETTES! Joelle is what is called a 'Heat Vampire' because she sucks the heat away from people leaving them frozen solid. Now, I think it's time that you become our slave, Brittany. (Comes closer to her neck)

Brittany: Nooo! When I said that if I could be any monster I would be a vampire I didn't mean that I literally wanted to be a vamp-

(Seymour ignores her and bites her neck, after a minute of sucking some blood he releases her, she begins to change into a vampire as well.)

Seymour: You will obey your masters: Melvin and Whitney.

Brittany: Yes, Seymour, I shall obey my masters Melvin and Whitney.

Melvin: Take care of your 'boyfriend.' But don't kill him.

Brittany: Why not? I mean, as you wish, Master Melvin.

Melvin: Now I control this show! I think I'll change the name to Melvin's Party House

Whitney: Why don't we answer some questions for now?

Melvin: Alright, but that's definitely going to be the name now. A Winddragon Eternal asks:

**Hey there Alvin, congrats on finally getting your own show! I guess it's time you stepped away from being second banana to Simon!**

**Anyway, I do have questions for you and Brittany, but Alvin, you're up first:**

**How many guitars do you own, and do you have something as special as the Black Beauty you had in the CGI movie?**

**Also, you dangling from a wire and playing upside down in the Paris concert was a definite A for Absolutely Crazy. In comparison to that movie, will you do anything crazier when being on stage?**

**People sometimes see you as the mischievous, reckless and bold show-off. How do you live up to all of those expectations, and are you worried that your fans might see your behaviour in the spotlight as a little carried away?**

**Oh yeah, that dog costume you wore when your brothers tricked you into thinking that Theodore was a dog - so very hilarious! Where did you get it, and would you wear it again if given the chance?**

**Brittany, you should definitely be more in control of your boyfriend! Can you get Alvin on a leash and tell him to behave like a dog? I'm sure he'd look cute!**

**But anyway, back to my questions:**

**What did you think about the interpretation of your character in the Squeakquel?**

**Which would you choose? Coco Chanel or Christian Dior?**

**Do you prefer performing with Alvin, or with your sisters?**

**All the best to the both of you and your talk show!**

**~ Wind**

Melvin: I have too many guitars to count! I get one every year. That black one is my favorite, because it's the first one I got from David after we moved in.

Yep, One time I tried to do an entire concert while I was flying, It didn't turn out so well...

Whitney: Not so well? You broke your arm and leg and almost died! It was horrible! I was so worried about you!

Melvin: It was bad, but I was in a coma for 3 days so I don't remember the worst of it. Thank whoever allowed that.

So? People have told me that my 'pranks' are worse than the Joker's, whoever that is. And whoever has a problem with me will get to 'enjoy' one of my pranks. (Evil laugh) And no, it's not carried away! What makes you think that? Right Alvin?

Alvin: Ha, no! The wilder I act, the more my fans love me, Master Melvin!

Melvin: Alvin answer the question here, Question #4.

Alvin: Oh, yeah, the dog costume… I dunno, Simon got it for me, ask him. I'd wear it again if Brittany wanted me to role-play in it! Or if you and Master Whitney wanted me to wear it, of course.

Whitney: Yes, I agree, Brittany, if you ever get back control, you will do that to Alvin.

Brittany: Well, I got him to do doggie-style here on TV last week, Master Whitney! It would have been more fun with a leash, I'll admit!

Whitney: Millennial Brittany is a nice interpretation of Brittany, but she can be very irritating, take it from someone who knows.

Christian Dior. What would you choose Brittany?

Brittany: (scoffs) Um, Master Whitney, no offense, but Coco's better.

Whitney: That's a hard question. I really like singing with Joelle and Eloise, but I love singing with Melvin too. Also, we do take song requests, as long as it's not too good, or weird. I may be evil but I'm not some weirdo.

Thanks! We love taking over Talk shows!

Melvin: They usually drink something on this show.

Whitney: So? I'm not thirsty.

Melvin: Agreed. Let's check the next question from Crazy Man 3000

**Alvin, Simon is telling the truth. I read it. You have to stop the show but you can continue to boink (wink, wink,) Brittany, or even better, help Simon to destroy the Darkmunks and the Darkettes. Whitney turned Theodore and Ellie to STONE. YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING MAN! P.S You're My favorite chipmunk, but Jeanette is my favorite chipette, Please don't be offended Brittany. I personally think you and Alvin look so cute together.**

Melvin: Sorry, but you're too late! And that wasn't Whitney, that was Eloise. But it was nice to see their shocked faces when they turned to stone. I have to ask: What is your favorite Darkmunk? Oh, and this time we might not leave! (another evil laugh)

Whitney: You're fine with that Alvin, right?

Alvin: I'm fine with it if you're fine with it, Master Whitney.

Melvin: Onto the next question!

Whitney: (Pulls paper out of Melvin's hand) I'm reading this one!

Melvin: Alright darling. (gives a dark smirk)

Whitney: (smiles back) You're so cute and hot, literally. Anyway, this is from KillaCam11,

**funny stuff!**

**okay lets get to some questions.**

**first alvin what was your best prank you pulled on brittany?**

**2nd how old are you guys?**

**3rd how many girlfriends did you have before brittany?**

**brittany 1st whats your favorite fetish**

**are you bi**

**and can you sing a beyonce song for us please.**

**thats all till next time peace.**

Melvin: Actually, I don't pull pranks on Whitney much. Alvin answer the question

Alvin: Yes, Master Melvin. I tricked Brittany into putting on some 'perfume' that was actually a sample of Simon's love pheromones that he had been experimenting with, and it caused Brittany to act so horny she pulled her skirt down in public!

Whitney: There... uh, Brittany, how old are you and Alvin?

Brittany: Well, as you can tell from my youthful complexion, we are clearly not in our thirties, as we would be during this year if we hadn't moved several years into the future using Simon's time machine. But as for my exact age at this moment, not counting the skipped years, I would rather not disclose it, for legal purposes; I'll leave it to the fans to guess. I'll narrow it down for you: Late teens to early twenties.

Melvin: About 30, they were all pretty boring after the first time in bed. Most of them got dumped right after that. If they survived... (Another evil grin)

Whitney: But of course, I'm much better, and I can give a shock to his system. Besides, I make everything fun.

Melvin: You sure do.

Whitney: Fetish... hmmm... I don't think I have one at this time. Brittany, answer this and the next question!

Brittany: I have an ego fetish; one would have to in order to be crazy about Alvin. And no, I'm not bi.

Whitney: Beyonce? People are truly strange in this world, but okay... Brittany, sing a Beyonce song.

Brittany: (turns on a karaoke tune on the computer and begins to dance like the Chipettes in the Squeakquel)

_All the virgin ladies_

_All the virgin ladies _

_All the virgin ladies_

_All the virgin ladies_

_All the virgin ladies_

_All the virgin ladies_

_All the virgin ladies_

_Spread your legs out_

_Out in the club_

_Just got fucked_

_Playing with my own little thing_

_Decided to dip_

_But now you wanna trip_

_Cuz another brother slept with me_

_Im under him, on top on me,_

_Don't pay him any attention_

_You're just my ex_

_Didn't want sex_

_Ya can't be mad at me_

_Cuz if you liked it then you should have put your dick in it_

_If you like it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Don't be mad and want my pussy now that he's got it_

_If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Uh oh oh_

_Uh oh oh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh_

_Uh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh oh_

_Uh oh oh oh _

_Cuz if you liked it then you should have put your dick in it_

_If you like it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Don't be mad and want my pussy now that he's got it_

_If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Maybelline on my lips, nekkid man at my hips_

_He's tighter than you ever could be_

_You're acting up _

_By spiking my cup_

_I'll never accept your drinks_

_I don't need your permission_

_Did I mention_

_You wouldn't pay my puss any attention_

_Cuz you had your turn_

_And now you're gonna learn_

_What it's like to want my pussy_

_Cuz if you liked it then you should have put your dick in it_

_If you like it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Don't be mad and want my pussy now that he's got it_

_If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Uh oh oh_

_Uh oh oh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh_

_Uh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh oh_

_Uh oh oh oh _

_Cuz if you liked it then you should have put your dick in it_

_If you like it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Don't be mad and want my pussy now that he's got it_

_If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Uh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh _

_Don't treat me to the world_

_Your sex is what I prefer_

_What I deserve_

_Is a man that licks me_

_Then fucks me_

_Orgasmically _

_To infinity and beyond_

_Now hold erect your cock_

_My sex is what you want_

_If not you'll be alone_

_And like a boner, I'll be gone_

_All the virgin ladies_

_All the virgin ladies_

_All the virgin ladies_

_All the virgin ladies_

_All the virgin ladies_

_All the virgin ladies _

_All the virgin ladies_

_Spread your legs out_

_Uh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh _

_Cuz if you liked it then you should have put your dick in it_

_If you like it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Don't be mad and want my pussy now that he's got it_

_If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Uh oh oh_

_Uh oh oh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh_

_Uh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh oh_

_Uh oh oh oh _

_Cuz if you liked it then you should have put your dick in it_

_If you like it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Don't be mad and want my pussy now that he's got it_

_If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it_

_Uh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh oh _

_Uh oh oh_

_Uh oh oh oh oh_

_Uh oh oh oh _

Melvin: Anyway, I think we should stay a bit longer.

Simon: (bursts in triumphantly) Not so fast, dark ones! You won't be able to stay anywhere in this universe for much longer!

Whitney: Alvin! Brittany! Attack him!

(Alvin and Brittany chase after Simon.)

Melvin: Anyway, If any of you would like to know how we became how we are now, you can read the story: The Chipmunk MultiVerse: Dark Origins. It explains how we became how we are now.

Whitney: I'm amazed that anyone found out about our origins.

Melvin: Well, Ian knew.

Whitney: Maybe he's writing the story.

(James runs in as Simon ties up Alvin and Brittany.)

James: Sorry, but you're games are over Melvin and Whitney! Leave now!

Melvin: I was getting bored anyway. It's no fun when you're around. If this is what it's going to be like when we try to take over some shows then were just going to leave, and play somewhere else.

Whitney: Yea, Lets go our slaves!

Simon: They won't be going anywhere, for that rope is dark-energy-proof. I just came to give you fair warning about my latest invention. I have done a bit of research on your kind, and I have discovered that you are made out of antimatter and that it is your dark energy, not to be confused with the mysterious dark energy described by astrophysicists that the majority of the universe is composed of, of course, that changes the antiprotons and positrons in your subatomic structure into protons and electrons so that you can survive in this universe! I created a dark energy trans-dimensional reversal field generator, decidedly located at the South Pole and powered by the aurora australis solar winds, that will warp all particles affected by your brand of dark energy back to the universe where they came from, where they will be annihilated by the antimatter in your universe! It will create that field around the entire planet shortly.

Whitney: Curse you! Let's go before it's too late!

Melvin: We will meet again Protector! This I promise you!

(Melvin and Whitney run off.)

James: They won't come back this time, so there's no need to keep watch for them, Simon. Can you cure Alvin and Brittany?

Simon: I shouldn't have to. The dark energy trans-dimensional reversal field should warp all of the dark particles afflicting them back to the Darkmunk universe, thus returning them to normal. Same for Theodore and Eleanor.

James: Anyway, good night everyone! Alvin and Brittany will hopefully be back next week to answer your questions! Have a good week!

**Special thanks to The Chipette Protector, to whom credit goes for writing the parts about Melvin, Whitney and James Seville.**


	5. 3some

(Disclaimer: CosmicKitten89 owns nothing in this story.)

Alvin: SURPRISE! Yup, that's right, my show is_ sooo_ popular that the studio directors decided that I could air it_ twice_ a week!

Brittany: Alvin, you have a specific reason for airing it twice a week, now.

Alvin: Well, yeah, asides from trying to keep ahead of Adam in terms of reviews… speaking of which, Simon said that he was going to guest-star on his show to get out of guest-starring on my show… I was hoping that the fans would back me up, but they didn't! So I've got a better idea!

Brittany: So how are you getting Simon on the show tonight?

Alvin: I told him that I was up tonight trying to make the set look even MORE awesome when the big light up sign started to short-circuit, and if he doesn't get here immediately, it will explode! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!...

Brittany: Haha!

Alvin: He should be here any minute now… (watches his watch)

Simon: (bursts through the door) I'm coming, Alvin!

Brittany: (suppresses laughter) He'll be cumming, all right…

Simon: Alvin, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your sign! Wha… You've tricked me!

Alvin: (Laughs like crazy) You're such a freaking FOOL! And I thought you were the smart one!

Simon: Alvin, you've cried wolf one too many times! One of these days, when you really need somebody's help, they will_

Brittany: Drink, Simon?

Simon: No, thank you. I must ask, what are you doing monkeying around out here at this time of night…! You're having a show! (makes frightened face into camera)

Alvin: Hahahaha, I'll bet the viewers loved that! Hahaha…

Simon: Well, I'm going home!

Brittany: (locks and deadbolts the door) You're not going anywhere…

Alvin: (turns on music) Hit it, Brittany!

(Brittany and Alvin grab Simon and start dancing provocatively, banging their hips into him)

Brittany:

_One, two, three_

_It's a threesome – yippee!_

_Alvin, Simon, and me_

_Guess who's caught in between…_

Simon: (Squeezed between Alvin and Brittany's hips) Me!

Brittany:

_One, two, three,_

_Simon, Alvin, Brittany_

_Do that three-letter word_

_Everybody loves (sex)_

(Alvin and Brittany strip off their clothes except for their underwear and toss it on Simon. Brittany is wearing a hot ping bra and thong; Alvin is wearing a red man thong. Simon gags when he sees Alvin's thong.)

Brittany:

_Babe, I've picked a night_

_For you to come and play_

_And meet my other guy_

_What do you say?_

Simon: Nay!

(Alvin covers his mouth)

Brittany:

_Sexier the more_

_Triple cum that way_

_All over the floor_

_What do you say?_

(Brittany and Alvin pole-dance against Simon)

Brittany and Alvin together:

_A-a-a-are you in?_

_Sodomy is the new 'in' thing_

_A-a-a-are you in?_

_I don't want to count only two-_

(Brittany and Alvin strip their thongs off and toss them at Simon. Simon covers his eyes and Alvin lifts Simon's shirt while Brittany pulls down his pants)

(Jeanette, Eleanor, and Theodore burst through the door)

Jeanette: Stop this! STOP! Simon does not want to play in your little game of three!

Alvin: Hehe, Jeanette, Eleanor, Theo, great to see you! Glad you've come to join the party!

Eleanor: We saw what you were doing on TV and we went straight over!

Simon: (face palm) You really shouldn't have come…

Alvin: Well, I guess I ought to be answering questions before the fun and games anyway…

**Chipmunkfanantic asks:**

**Well Well Alvin if you look at the Polls my show is trayling right behind yours well review wise i only have 18 and you have 20 so it seems im going to have to find away to pass your show .but any way good luck becasue you and me got some Competion from here on out sucker and this is coming from my OC Adam Seville so good luck trying to beat me Alvin**

Alvin: You're on! Next question!

**Chipmunkfanantic asks:**

**great show you guys and yea i do plan do dirty it up i even asked the people to send some Dirty Questions to my show i would like to see if I can out rock and roll you .any way on to the Questions **

**Alvin actually to fire back i have seen the movie and the Squekquel im just waiting for Chipwrecked so yea any way **

**and yea my show has passed yours im up to 25 reviews and 25 Episodes now we are going after Simons show next its **

**Alvin if you could Sing anyrock Song from any Band what would it be ?**

**Brittany What's your most Favorite Acivivty to do ?**

Alvin: Haha, I checked your response to my question, and you are not planning to dirty it up, you puss! And of course you would get more reviews since you've got the under-16 audience! Anyways…

If I could sing a rock song from any rock band… tough question… I would say KISS, but I've already done kiss on this show… How about… Queen! Ooh, Bohemian Rhapsody… But it's too long, and complicated, and just plain weird for us to cover on this show, so I'm doing "We Will Rock You!" Hmhm… well, that's not what my version is called…

Simon: Did you know that Brian May of the band Queen holds a Ph. D. in astrophysics!

Alvin: Who cares? All that matters is that he's got a Ph. D. in rock and roll! (turns on the karaoke and gets out his guitar)

_Buddy, you're a baby, shit your diaper,_

_Got a little wanker, gonna be a big cock someday_

_You got shit on your face_

_Big disgrace_

_Your momma can't tell your ass from your face_

_We say_

_We will, we will fuck you!_

_Buddy you're a young man, hard cock_

_Raping ev'ry skirt that lacks the luck not to be in your way_

_You got cum on your face_

_You big disgrace_

_The cops should come and put you in your place_

_We say _

_We will, we will, fuck you!_

_Buddy, you're an old man, can't fuck_

_No more since the cancer surgeon cut your nuts away_

_You got shit on your face_

_Big disgrace_

_Don't know why the nurses don't put you in your place_

_We say_

_We will, we will, fuck you!_

_We will, we will fuck you!_

Alvin: (laughs) Though I don't know why anyone would want to fuck somebody who fits that description!

Brittany: As for my favorite activity… It would have to be a tie between dancing, singing, and sex. I guess I would have to say dancing and singing while having sex!

Alvin: And if you ask me, Chip-Wrecked sounds like a real corny plot for a new Chipmunk movie, like a ripoff of Island Fever or something, and if they release a movie with a plot like that, it will be the last, and that will be it for the Chipmunks altogether! Although it's probably just a fan rumor anyway… On to the next question!

**Mr. happyface asks:**

**I'm back! Haha okay all of the chipettes HAVE to come out naked for this:**

**Alvin, you have to feel all of their boobs abd describe in great detail how they feel to us! Aren't you lucky, my friend?**

**Each of the chipettes should tell how much they weigh also.**

**Oh yea and Alvin has to drink a gallon of his own cum.**

**That's all for now! Have fun!**

Alvin: Well, then, it's quite serendipitous that all of the Chipettes are here! (snickers) All right, strip, girls!

Simon: Jeanette, don't!

Alvin: If you don't, Jeanette, then I will have Brittany sing a dirty parody of a Taylor Swift song!

Jeanette: Oh no! You can't sing a dirty parody of Taylor Swift! Um…

Alvin: If you don't strip, then I'll simply have to strip you myself! (snickers)

Jeanette: (shudders) Okay… (hesitantly removes her clothes)

Simon: I'm warning you… If you touch anything other than her breasts, with anything other than your hands…

Alvin: You too, Eleanor!

Eleanor: Go ahead and make me!

Alvin: What? I thought that you would want to be a role model for plus-size girls around the world by not being afraid to show off your body!

Theodore: Yes! Go for it, Eleanor!

Eleanor: Ok… But only for the fat girls… (strips)

Alvin: (starts with Brittany) Aah, nice and perky… firm nipples… tight… have you had implants?

Brittany: Why don't you feel Jeanette's now?

Alvin: (touches Jeanette's breasts) Hmm, quite saggy… stretch marks, veins, larger than I thought… very bumpy around the areola… and the nipple is soft… I pity the poor baby who will one day have to breastfeed off of you!

Jeanette: Well, I'm putting my clothes back on! (gets redressed)

Alvin: (moves on to Eleanor) Hmm, now these are some BIG knockers! Big nipples, as wide as my finger across… firm bumps around the areola… Slightly saggy, but not like Jeanette's…

Okay, girls! Now tell us how much you weigh!

Jeanette: Chipmunks weigh on average eighty percent of what humans weigh.

Brittany: Eighty pounds.

Jeanette: Which is the equivalent of a human woman weighing one hundred pounds! You're lying, Brittany! You weigh one hundred pounds, which is the human equivalent of weighing one twenty-five!

Brittany: But that was last week! I've been on a diet since then, so I should weigh less.

Jeanette: Well, I doubt you weigh that much less. Besides, at that weight, you have no need to go on a diet! I weigh one hundred and eight pounds, which is the human equivalent of weighing one thirty five.

Eleanor: Well, I weigh about one thirty-

Jeanette: Which is about one sixty for a human-

Eleanor: But it's mostly muscle!

Alvin: Drink a gallon of my own cum? Who do you think I am, Chris-Chan?

Simon: Don't be silly, Alvin, you've got an entire jarful at home!

Alvin: But I'm saving it to donate to the sperm bank! Genetics like mine, after all, are too good not to spread!

Simon: You do realize that the sperm are all dead by now, don't you?

Alvin: Dammit! You should have told me that sooner! All that jacking off for nothing!

Simon: I know, what a tragedy.

Alvin: Well, it would take me all night to jack up another gallon, so I'm going to wait until our next airing to take on that dare. Here's what theodorefan100 has to say:

**Alight, I think I'll be busting up the party now. Darkmunks, I challenge you and your Bount friends to a fight to the death. If your curious as to who I am, the name is Takeo Yamashita, Captain of Squad 9. I'm a shinigami, and my speciality, killing Bounts like you!**

Alvin: Hah, well, you're a little late, theodorefan100! The Darkmunks are gone for good!

**JayJayBrownie asks:**

**Before I was gonna cuss the Dark Origins but then Simon came to the rescue! I hope you guys get them! Also plz call me Jordan or Jo because thats mah name! I'm a girl, too -_-...but I got questions! Alvin, would you ever raid Brittany's thong drawer? Vice versa? And I wanna know if you and Brittany can make out for me. I won't ask you to bang her because if you do, I bet it would likely get carried away and there would be milky white stuff(cum) all over the floor! That would be very disturbing. And just to show how much of a fan I am of you guys, I made OCs of you guys kids. (But sadly, you guys aren't my fav :P) But I named them, and I hoped I'm not stealing, Abby, Adrianna, and Byron! You guys got three kids! And also Britt, in my world, one of your twin daughters is a tomboy. SHE HATES PINK! (Damn, I've got alot to say XD) And I ask Alvin if you could love Brittany please! Jeanette and Eleanor snitch on you, Britt! They told me that you adore Alvin even though he gets on your nerves. And they told me that you masturbate while calling his name! And one last question. Will you every marry each other?**

Alvin: Haha, yes, I raid Brittany's thong drawer all the time! I've been raiding her panties since I was a little boy! How about you, Brittany?

Brittany: Of course, where do you think I get my best panties from?

Alvin: Hahaha, OK, let's make out.

(Alvin and Brittany hug each other tight and smooch each other all over the face. It looks kind of like a lip fight. They are both naked…)

Simon: Alvin! She specifically said NO CUM ON THE FLOOR!

Alvin: Oops, well, my bad for not having my thong on. Let's get dressed, Brittany.

(Alvin and Brittany put their underwear back on)

Brittany: (Flushes) And what's this about… Jeanette, Eleanor, how dare you snitch on me about that!

Eleanor: Well, you shouldn't write that kind of stuff in your diary and then forget to lock it!

Jeanette: And you should make sure to close the door so that nobody walks in on you!

Brittany: All right, Alvin, next question!

Alvin: (Shocked face at the next question; turns white, then flushes) Nah, I'd rather not…

Simon: Don't be silly, Alvin, your fans are dying for you to read it!

Alvin: Nuh-uh, I'd rather skip this one…

Brittany: Come on, Alvin, what does it say?

**Alvin: Okay… (gulps)**

**Dear Brother,**

**I just wanted to say...**

**I LOVE YOU!**

**Always Your Brother,**

**Simon Octavius Seville**

Simon: Is there something you would like to say back?

Alvin: Nooooo…

Brittany: Yes there is! Tell him…

Alvin: (Mutters)

Simon: I can't hear you…

Alvin: All right! I LOVE YOU TOO BROTHER!

(Alvin and Simon hug)

Simon: I felt that!

Alvin: I felt yours too!

Simon: YOU FELT NOTHING!

Alvin: Anyways, glad that mush moment's over with!

**The Chipette Protector asks:**

**Hey Alvin and Brittany!**

**I hope u feel better!**

**I've got a couple questions and a dare for Alvin:**

**1. Both of you - how did it feel to be turned into vampires?**

**2. Brittany - What did it feel like when u bit Alvin?**

**3. Alvin - Do u ever listen to ur brother?**

**And onto the dare!**

**Alvin - Hypnotize Brittany into ur slave for the rest of the show and at some point make her do what she made u do before.**

**Enjoy! I bet Alvin will!**

Brittany: Well, it hurt at first when I was bitten, like burning fiery acid poison spreading really fast throughout the body-

Alvin: I know, right? But then it started to feel GOOD! Like heroin!

Simon: I certainly hope you haven't dabbled with heroin!

Alvin: I mean, well, what I imagine heroin must feel like.

Brittany: And Alvin was sooo… delicious… like your favorite food combined with your favorite man's scent…

Alvin: Well, I listen to my brother whenever he's not being boring!

Simon: Well, I'll try to liven up my manner of conversation for you!

Alvin: Hypnotize Brittany? I'll do better than that! I'll hypnotize all three of them, plus Simon! Haha!

Simon: I would like to see you try!

Alvin: Brittany, you will sing that Taylor Swift dirty parody that Jeanette didn't want you to sing! And Jeanette, you will listen!

Brittany: But-

Alvin: :Brittany, Brittany… (backrubs Brittany and kisses her nose)

Brittany: Okay….

_Alvin-_

Alvin: Not my name! His!

Brittany: Gotcha.

_Simon looks at me_

_He thinks I'm nothing but slutty_

_He doesn't see that I need_

_For him to put in me his seed_

_I'll bet she's super hot_

_That girl he took to prom_

_I'll bet she's rich and that her daddy's married to her mom!_

Jeanette: Not quite.

Brittany:

_Simon talks to me_

_Female boner like you won't believe_

_In my head I see_

_Him naked in the bed with me_

_He says her ass is fine_

_And her va-jay-jay's super tight_

_I wonder if he knows_

_I masturbate to him all night!_

_He's the reason for the bloodstains on my pillowcase_

_From menstruation, jacking off and looking at his face_

_If he were a song he'd be the only one _

_I would masturbate to…_

Alvin: Haha, stop, Brittany! Just one more question!

**Spring-Heel Jaqueline asks:**

**How is it that Jeanette and Irma from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles dress and [somewhat] look alike?**

**How the Chipettes did come to be at Grudge's orphanage? And what would happen if they ran into her and Eve again?**

**Has anyone ever wondered about the Chipettes' mother and/or father?**

**Whatever happened to the Chipmunks' father?**

**If Brittany and Alvin kissed in "Legend of the Sleeping Brittany" and Simon and Jeanette *supposedly* kissed in this so-called "Sploosh" episode, than why haven't Eleanor and Theodore kissed in the cartoons? Is it because Janice Karman is kissing herself unlike the aforementioned couples where Ross Bagdasarian Jr. (Alvin and Simon) kissed their respectable counterpart because his wife voices them? Or taking a step too far and saying it's like Janice Karmen kissing her late father-in-law Ross Bagdasarian Sr. (50's/60's Theodore)? Same goes for the CGI and their voice actors (Jesse McCartney & Amy Poehler and Janice Karman who sings for both).**

**Why is it in The Squeakquel, Jeanette is demoted to extra whereas the boys and her sisters all get ample screen time, whereas Jeanette seems to fall by the wayside, not to mention she's never seen without her sisters, even then she gets about five minutes of screen time that isn't singing? How come it seems that Jeanette always get the shaft?**

**What was it like for Simon eating Theodore's poop?**

**How do you each physically describeeach incarnation of Dave Seville (50s/60s, 80s/90s and current)?**

**What is the name of Miss Miller's cat?**

**Any relationships to Chip and Dale with all the antics?**

**Did Huey, Dewey & Louie, the PowerPuff Girls, the good fairies in Disney's Sleeping Beauty as well as the ambiguous anthropomorphic characters in Animaniacs (although the oldest looking one wears beige slacks, his accent color is green) among others steal color tone clothes based on the primary colors based on light (red[pink], blue[purple] and green) or is it pure coincident?**

**After the [quaint] anti-drug video entitled "Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue," do you Chipmunks keep in touch with the other cartoon characters? Also, where were the Chipettes?**

**Speaking of crossover, why didn't either one appeared in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"**

**What other crossovers do each wish to do that hasn't happened? For example, I wanna read a Chip N' Dale Rescue Rangers crossover . . .**

**Since Theodore was turned into a werewolf and Alvin a psychotic weirdo or whatever Dr. Frankenstein turned him into, what related monster would Simon, Brittany, Eleanor and Jeanette turn into besides a werewolf and whatever Alvin was? How would you be cured?**

**If the Chipmunks were named after record executives (Alvin Bennett, Simon Waronker and Ted Keep), who were the Chipettes named after?**

**If the Chipettes first lived in the tree house, how were they able to afford living necessities such as beds as well as the equipment to build the tree house? Also, how were they able to enroll the same school as the Chipmunks? Did Brittany force Jeanette to hack into the school computer to enroll since parental figures are allowed to do such things? And what did they use for last names?**

**How do you Chipmunks/Chipettes live so long when in reality, chipmunks don't liver for very long?**

**Where is Alvin's hat in the CGI/live action movies?**

**Chipettes, what are your opinions on the attire worn in the live action movies compared to the ones in the cartoons? Speaking of clothes, did either of you chipmunks ever wear pants under those oversize sweatshirts in "The Alvin Show" and "Alvin and The Chipmunks?"**

**What are your opinions on Clyde Crashcup (and Leonardo)?**

**What are your intake on voice comparison/contrast of the people (Ross Bagdasarian Sr. voicing all three chipmunks and Dave; Ross Bagdasarian Jr. voicing Dave, Alvin & Simon; Janice Karman doing Theodore and the Chipettes; Jason Lee-David Seville, Justin Long-Alvin, Matt Gray Gubler-Simon, Jesse McCartney-Theodore, Christina Applegate-Brittany, Anna Faris-Jeanette & Amy Poehler-Eleanor) who portrayed you? What are your opinions on them?**

**Who is Betty White and why do fans want her to play Miss Miller in the live action/CGI movie?**

**How would each of you describe the physical appearances and personality of each David Seville incarnation (50's/60's, 80's/90's and 00's)?**

**What is each of your opinion on mixed couples (Alvin&Jeanette, Alvin&Eleanor, Simon&Brittany, Simon&Eleanor, Theodore&Brittany and Theodore&Jeanette)? What about sibling incest?**

**Where were the Chipettes in "Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein?" Did Miss Miller forget them when she came over to watch the boys? Also, I thought both you Chipettes and Chipmunks lived right next to each other . . . not a block apart as seen in "Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet The Wolfman?"**

Simon: Wait a minute… This is the same post that she put on my show!

Jeanette: Come to think of it, I also saw her put that post on Adam Seville's Wacky World.

Alvin: Really? C'mon, Jaqueline, have you got to put the same post on every show?

Simon: You can watch our responses on the fifth episode of my show.

Alvin: Well, since we're all done with the questions, let's continue with the party! Jeanette, would you care for a virgin strawberry daiquiri?

Jeanette: Why, thank you!

Simon: Don't, Jeanette. That drink is about as virgin as Alvin is!

Alvin: Well, I'll admit it's not just juice… it contains a perfectly nontoxic and harmless chemical known as um, C2H6O!

Simon: C2H6O… Please tell me that's dimethyl ether in there and not the other compound whose formula is C2H6O!

Alvin: Well, are you willing to finish doing "3" with us? Pretty please? (bats eyelashes)

Simon: No thank you.

Alvin: (takes out a yo-yo and dangles it back and forth) You are getting sleepy…

Simon: Cut it out, Alvin. It's going to take more than simple harmonic motion to change my mind…

Alvin: Well, I tried. But you're willing to go along with us, right, Jeanette?

Jeanette: Um…

Alvin: (waves yo-yo) You are getting sleepy… You are now under my power…

Jeanette: Pendulum… oscillations… so… fascinating… ok, I'm in.

Brittany: Alvin, you know I'm not bi!

Alvin: (waves yo-yo) You are now!

Brittany: OK, let's hit it! (turns the music back on)

_One, two, three, _

_It's a threesome – yippee!_

_Jeanette, Alvin, and me_

_Guess who's caught in between_

_Countin', One, two, three,_

_Jeanette, Alvin, Brittany_

_Do that three-letter word_

_Everybody loves (sex)_

(Brittany and Alvin strip Jeanette's outer garments off)

_There is a charm_

_To fucking family_

_With your partner, what's the harm?_

_Are you with me?_

_We are a team_

_And Brittany's the name_

_Sexobatics to extreme_

_We're gonna win the game_

_A-a-a-are you in?_

_Sodomy's the new "in" thing_

_A-a-a-are you in?_

_I don't wanna count fewer than-_

_3!_

_What we do is innocent_

Simon: Yeah, right!

Brittany: (Leans in on Jeanette)

_Is it too hot for Jeanette?_

_If you don't like his_ (points to Alvin) _company_

_Let's just fuck, just you and me…_

_You and me…_

_Or three..._

_Or four… _(grabs Simon)

_On the floor…_

(Simon leaps off the floor and runs off)

Brittany:

_One, two, three, _

_It's a threesome – yippee!_

_Jeanette, Alvin, and me,_

_Guess who's caught in between_

(Alvin hands Jeanette the strawberry daiquiri)

_Countin', one, two, three,_

_Jeanette, Alvin, Brittany, _

_Do that three letter word _

_Everybody loves – _

(Jeanette is about to sip from the drink, while Alvin begins to pull down her flowery purple cotton briefs, when the light-up "Alvin's Midnight Party House" sign blows up. The lightbulbs explode and spray sparks everywhere).

Alvin: WHAT THE HELL?

Simon: Ha! Your call for an emergency – a self-fulfilling prophecy, was it not?

Alvin: Why, you... are you going to do this on all of my shows from now on? Crash and wreck them just like I used to do?

Simon: Quite the contrary! You couldn't pay me enough to get me back on this set! You have your show, and I have mine! If you want to guest-star on my show, then you can do it, if you ask beforehand and promise to keep your antics to a minimum, and I expect you to do the same with regards to me coming on your show!

Alvin: Whatever. Party pooper… Mr. No-Fun!

Brittany: I wouldn't say he's no fun…

Alvin: He's just damn hard to hypnotize, that's all…

Simon: Jeanette, snap out of it!

Jeanette: I… almost had sex… with Alvin… and drank alcohol!

Alvin: Don't say the "A" word! Do you know how much trouble we underage drinkers could get into if the authorities thought we were drinking? It's C2H6O!

Jeanette: Ethanol, dimethyl ether, whatever C2H6O compound it is, I don't think either one sounds pleasant to drink anyway.

Simon: Let's go home, Jeanette. We need our rest.

Jeanette: Bye, Alvin!

Theodore: Why didn't we get to be in the three game?

Eleanor: Trust me, you don't want to play a three game. Let's go home.

(Simon, Jeanette, Theodore, and Eleanor exit the set after Brittany unlocks it.)

Alvin: Maaan, I was so hoping for some brother-to-brother action…

Brittany: Well, send in your song requests, and don't forget to tell me what Britney Spears song you want me to sing next week!

Alvin: She's going to sing a Lady Gaga song too, so request one of those!

Brittany: No, you're singing Lady Gaga!

Alvin: You are getting sleepy…

Brittany: Ok, I will sing Lady Gaga… I _am_ getting sleepy…

Alvin: Oh! And I have a dare for all you members of the audience! Sing one of our dirty song parodies from any episode of the show to your family, out in public, to your friends, in school, etcetera… And next week tell me how it went! Well, that's it for tonight, everybody! See you this weekend!


	6. Period

Alvin: Welcome again, everyone, to another exciting installment of Alvin's Midnight Party House!

Brittany: You promised to do the show twice a week, Alvin, remember?

Alvin: Well, I was… sick, so I couldn't do it twice this week.

Brittany: You wouldn't have been so sick if you didn't overindulge at the Mother's Day Brunch you treated Vinny and the rest of us to!

Alvin: Yep, my Mother's Day present blew Simon's and Theodore's out of the water! All Simon got her was a boring book, and Theodore made her a cake that didn't even taste as good as the brunch cakes at that restaurant! I think Mom liked my present best!

Brittany: Anyway, this is an awful time of month for me, so excuse me if I seem a bit cranky… owww… (cringes, fidgets and puts hands to abdomen).

Alvin: Take a pain relief pill. Anyways, I received a private message from a Secret Inquirer who has submitted a dare and a few questions. If you want to know who this Secret Inquirer is, email me and I will tell you. Here goes:

**Alvin, do you like to sniff Brittany's panties and do you like to masturbate anally?**

**Brittany, have you ever caught Alvin masturbating, if so what was the most extreme thing you've ever found him doing when you walked in on him?**

Alvin: (blushes) Um, well, yes, Brittany's panties smell good, especially when they still have that new-pantie smell. But of course, her butt smells good too (snickers). Anally… Yes, sometimes I stick a French tickler up there and pretend it's Simon.

Brittany: Oh, yes, loads of times. Like that one time I caught him jacking off on his guitar-

Alvin: I was just playing guitar, Brittany! I was playing it the same way I once saw John Stamos play it on Full House!

Brittany: Full House… (giggles) You were humping the guitar like a horny witch on a broomstick or a horny kid on a hobby horse, and you know it! And when you play it that way, it's hard to tell that you're really humping, and you can easily get away with it… but I know your dirty mind, Alvin.

Alvin: (blushes) Ok, I'll admit it… It feels especially good when it's a base guitar vibrating at full volume!

Brittany: Okay, Alvin… what about the dare?

Alvin: Oh, right! (sifts through the email).

**Oh and here is the dare: If Alvin answers yes then he has to take Brittany's panties off and wear them on his face with the crotch/butt section right on his nose for the rest of the show sniffing away at them, if he answers no, well he has to do it anyway. Brittany will of course have nothing covering her down there for the remainder of the show xD**

Alvin: Uh oh.

Brittany: Good thing I'm wearing a tampon. (removes underwear and puts it on Alvin's face.

Alvin: (muffled voice) Aww, man, you leaked blood on it!

Brittany: (laughs) Here, I'll read the next question, since you can't read with that over your face:

**The Chipette Protector asks:**

**LOL! U hypnotized Jeanette! Jeanette must be easy to hypnotize...**

**But u didn't completely fulfill the Dare, so then Brittany gets to hypnotize u! And Britt, u have to make him ur dog and put him on a leash!**

**Anyway onto some questions:**

**1. Alvin - How did it feel when Brittany bit u?**

**2. Both - How'd it feel having ur Dark Counterparts as ur masters?**

**3. Brittany - Were u scared when u first got bit? How did it feel when u began to change into a vampire? And if u could bite anyone who would it be? and lastly Is Alvin still responding to the hypnotic commands u gave him before?**

**Enjoy Responding!**

Alvin: Hehe, what dare? The one about drinking my own-

Brittany: Here you go!

Alvin: That's – that's CHO, right?

Brittany: Yep. Mixed with your own expired cum.

Alvin: Well, that way it at least goes down nicer… (gulps it down) aaahhh… Not bad at all.

Brittany: Remember, you've got to drink an entire gallon.

Alvin: What is this, Cum Pong? No way! Um, Simon says that CHO is poisonous in large doses.

Brittany: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! (blinks eyes seductively) For me, Alvin. CHUG!

Alvin: Ok… (drinks the entire gallon of cum cocktail)

Brittany: Alvin, how did it feel when I bit you?

Alvin: It hurt! But at the same time, it hurt _gooood_… Like an erogenous zone on my neck… (licks Brittany's neck)

Brittany: While we're playing doggy here, how about you wear this leash?

Alvin: Woof, woof!

Brittany: (Hooks the leash up to the panties on Alvin's face.) Look, it's a muzzle leash!

It felt surprisingly easy having the Dark counterparts controlling us, didn't it, Alvin?

Alvin: WOOF!

Brittany: That means he agrees with me. Basically, we still had our own thoughts and feelings, but we were also made to like following their orders.

You, um, already asked us how it felt to be turned into vampires. But I must say yes, my hypnotism is working! Next time, Alvin, you might want to finish reading what the fans have sent you!

**Mr happyface asks:**

**Um... hi. I have a confession to make: This is actually Theo. Eleanor wouldn't tell me some of these things herself, so I pretended to be this guy. I love you, Ellie! Please don't get mad at me :-/ you're really beautiful. Oh yea, I also made a necklace for you and would like to give it to you as this is read on the show. I hope you like it! :-)**

**Oh yea and while we're on it I dare Alvin to get implants! I feel so... dirty. I like it!**

Brittany: I knew it was Theo all along. He's been that way ever since he did it with Ellie. Alvin, you hear that? On the next show, you are getting implants!

Alvin: RUFF! (nods in agreement)

Brittany: Ok, Alvin, lick me down there!

Alvin: (stretches tongue through panty leg hole to lick Brittany's crotch.

Brittany: Heehee! That tickles!

**Chipmunkfanantic asks:**

**to be up to date my show is like 38 Review's and I now hold the #2 spot right Next to Simon's show so to bad you can never catch up Mine So its too bad because my 4th Season is going to be so much Better than your enitre Episode all because of one thing Ending it with a Bang Something you can never do and I highly doubt you would ever Catch up alright on to the Question's and Thanks to my Viewers i was able to get Simon on my show for a whole Season besides even If Simon was able to Guest Star on your show I doubt he would Stay long . Brittany what was it Like Working for Ian ? ( yes i have Seen the Squekquel )And Alvin I can take you on in Need for Speed underground any time . **

**Alvin What's your Favorite Video game ?**

Alvin: Bark!

Brittany: Speak!

Alvin: Guitar Hero, duh! Also, this I have to say to that bogus Adam and his bogus show: Grrr!

Brittany: Alvin! That's not nice! I command you to apologize!

Alvin: I'm sorry chipmunkfanantic and your sponsored character Adam.

Brittany: I never worked with Ian. Ask CGI Brittany. I'm cartoon Brittany.

Alvin: You, beat me at Need for Speed? Fat chance!

Brittany: I command you to speak dog again!

Alvin: Arf! Arf! Grrr…

Brittany: So, a PersonWhoShallRemainNameless says:

**Okay, Alvin. If you really wanted brother to brother action... I dare you and Simon to do it on your next show. No chicken out! :P Let's get it on... MAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :D**

Alvin: (pants) AROOOOOOO! HOW-HOW-HOWUUUUUUULLLLLLL!

Brittany: I guess Alvin's up for that…

**JayJayBrownie asks:**

**Nice. Now before I ask questions, I dare Alvin to finger Brittany for the rest of the show and occasionally kiss her out of the blue for 9 seconds! Now, what would it be like to have kids? And also you didn't answer my question! Will you guys ever get married? And also you have to hold Brittany for until your next three questions are over. Plz update soon.**

Brittany: Ok, Alvin, you can finger me.

Alvin: (sticks fingers over Brittany's private parts, playing with the tampon string.)

Brittany: Well, we will get married-

Alvin: (kisses Brittany through the bloody panties)

Brittany: EEW! You're getting period blood all over my face! Anyway, Dave's making us go to school, otherwise we would be married already. Dave would be disappointed if we got married this young. And-

(Alvin kisses Brittany on the clit twice)

Brittany: Well, we will have servants to help us take care of the kids, so the whole experience of raising children should be delightful.

Alvin: (fingers Brittany's abdomen).

Brittany: OW! CRAMP! HURT! Well, you're out of luck, Jo, because we only have one question left!

Alvin: (hugs Brittany, speech slurry) To have and to hold… To have and to hold…

Brittany: Uh, yes.

**Knk4891 asks:**

**Okay, here are my questions:**

**1. Does Dave know you guys are doing this show, and if so, does he watch it?**

**2. Do you prefer the cartoon version of AATC or the CGI version?**

**3. You guys ARE the 80s/90s version, correct? If so, does that mean you don't have anything to do with the 2007 and 2009 movies?**

Brittany: Yes, Dave knows about the show, but he never stays up late enough to see how dirty it is. Speaking of which, Alvin, you are going to change the name of the show to Alvin and Brittany's Midnight Party House for Mature Viewers, aren't you?

Alvin: (pants and nods)

Brittany: Good. That's what the show will be known as from now on.

I think Alvin agrees with me that we prefer the cartoon versions over the movie versions; after all, that's the ones that we are. And no, we really have very little, if anything, to do with the CGI versions of us.

(sighs) You know, I am very disappointed with you people for not making any song requests! Just for that, we're not doing any dirty song parodies this week! Pardon my bitchiness, but in my current state of mind and body I simply do not feel like it… Alvin always has me do all the singing, doesn't he?

Next week, submit a Britney Spears song for me to sing and a Lady Gaga song for him to sing or WE WON'T RESPOND TO THE REST OF YOUR REVIEW! GOT IT?

Alvin: Forgive her; she doesn't really mean it…

Brittany: (slaps Alvin)


	7. Pecker Face

(Disclaimer: Alvin doesn't care about disclaimers.

However, his sponsor CosmicKitten89 advised him to put that she doesn't own him nor anything else that appears on the show, even though she actually did come up with the parody versions of the songs on her own.)

Alvin: YEEES! It's another episode of Alvin's

Brittany: And Brittany's

Alvin: WHAAAT?

Brittany: I made you change the title, remember?

Alvin: Ok, well, the reason I'm late is because it was karaoke night at the local bar, and I had to be there by popular demand. Unfortunately, the new bartender was not so pleased with my colorful renditions of "Oops I Did It Again" and "Toxic".

Brittany: He got thrown out.

Alvin: It sucks that I can't do karaoke there anymore, but man, getting thrown out… is that awesome or what? Speaking of which, I haven't heard from any of you, my adoring fans, about your experiences with singing my dirty lyrics in public…

Brittany: Also, Alvin hasn't been able to do the show twice a week like he promised (snickers)

Alvin: The reason for that is, because, well, you see…

Brittany: (giggles)

Alvin: (huddles arms over his chest)

Brittany: Show them!

Alvin: NO! I followed up on last week's dare, but I never agreed to actually show them!

Brittany: (tickles Alvin's armpits) Tickle, tickle!

Alvin: Nice try! I'm not ticklish!

Brittany: Not there anyway.

(singsong voice) But I know where…

(touches Alvin down there)

Alvin: AAH! Ok, ok, I'll show them! (moves his arms and strips off his shirt to reveal the implants)

Brittany: I can't believe you actually…

Alvin: It cost me half a million bucks too! I asked Simon to do it for cheaper, but he refuses to touch me with a scalpel without a surgeon's license… anyway, that nasty Adam has been emailing me again, bragging about how many more reviews than me he's got! Well, I've been watching his lame song parodies, which are not the least bit dirty, by the way, and, well, I'm afraid that he's challenging me to beat them with my own dirty parodies! I was listening to his rendition of Styx's "Mr. Roboto" and, well, I couldn't help but think… (snickers) well, I'll just sing it for you… ahem:

_Domo arigato, Dr. Robotnik, _

_Domo-yadayadayada…_

_You're wondering who I am _

_(Ivo Ivo, his name is Ivo)_

_Robotnik or Eggman_

_(Ivo Ivo, first name Ivo)_

_From U.S. or Japan_

_(Ivo Ivo, from where is Ivo?)_

_Or from Sonic's land!_

_(jams out syntho-guitar music)_

_I've got a secret_

_That I've been hiding_

_Need I go on?_

_The reason why I _

_Am chasing after_

_That wretched hedgehog_

_My head is pounding_

_My blood is boiling_

_I think I'll be gone_

_From hypertension_

_Or an aneurysm _

_If I fail to_

_Capture that hedgehog…_

_To catch that hedgehog…!_

Alvin: Thank you, thank you!

Brittany: That was lame!

Alvin: What…! WHY?

Brittany: No explicit dirtiness!

Alvin: Then Adam should like it!

Brittany: Still lame…

Alvin: All right, fine!

_To capture that hedgehog…_

_To fuck that hedgehog!_

Brittany: One four letter word does not a dirty parody make.

Alvin: Whatever. I gotta move on to the next parody of his, and this one's gonna be dirty as shit!

_I told the sex doctor I wanted sex with you_

_I told the sex doctor I wanted to fuck you_

_I told the sex doctor, he told me what you'll do, _

_He said:_

_Ooh, aah, oo, oo, ahh, yes, yes, gimme gimme bang bang!_

_Ooh, aah, oo, oo, ahh, yes, yes, gimme gimme bang bang!_

_I told the sex doctor you didn't like my sex_

_I told the sex doctor you thought it wasn't nice_

_I told the sex doctor, he gave me this advice, _

_Make you say: _

_Ooh, aah, oo, oo, ahh, yes, yes, gimme gimme bang bang!_

_Ooh, aah, oo, oo, ahh, yes, yes, gimme gimme bang bang!_

_You were refusing sex with me_

_Just like a fucking miser,_

_And then you'd tease with pictures of your boobs_

_But now I've got a friend_

_Who's, on these matters, so much wiser,_

_And he told me how to please your pubes_

_(Which is to make you say):_

_Ooh, aah, oo, oo, ahh, yes, yes, gimme gimme bang bang!_

_Ooh, aah, oo, oo, ahh, yes, yes, gimme gimme bang bang!_

Beat that, Adam!

Brittany: Aren't you going to answer the viewers' requests now?

Alvin: Of course! I could never forget my fans!

**From The Chipette Protector:**

**LOL!**

**Now Alvin, because last week Brittany made u into a dog, u have to hypnotize Brittany into a dog or a cat. Ur choice, but first u have to make Brittany freeze while in a funny position for one review and u get to reposition her too!**

**How about sing 'Poker Face'**

**Now for some questions:**

**Both - Now, would u want to be a vampire again after seeing what it was like before?**

**Both - Would both of you let Melvin and Whitney take over the show if Simon didn't stop u?**

**Alvin - What does it feel like when Brittany is controlling u? And have u ever hypnotized Brittany and what did u make her do? (Besides the dare I just gave u.)**

**Brittany - Does he fight less now since u gave him that command?**

**Enjoy!**

Alvin: Poker Face! With pleasure!

_I like to hold them at least seven at a time_

_A hand of girls I play them any way I like_

_I don't let them queens see I've got others in my hand_

_For if they do I must shuffle and draw again_

_Whoa, who-oa-oh!_

_Whoa, o-oa-o-a!_

'_Nuff on that now,_

_Not what it's about!_

_Can't stick your,_

_Can't stick your, _

_Cannot stick you_

_Pecker in my face_

_(Cuz you're a girl and you don't have one)_

_Can't make my,_

_Can't make my,_

_Can't make my face a_

_Pecker face_

_(Bet you really wish you had one)_

_P-p-p-pecker face,_

_P-p-pecker face! _

_I wanna roll with her_

_That's quite a pair she's got_

_I'll add her to my harem_

_Cuz she's super hot!_

_Vaginal sex is not the same_

_With a condom_

_If there's a full house _

_In the cards, _

_Well, that's the luck of draw_

_Whoa, who-oa-oh_

_Whoa, who-oa-o-a_

_She'll think I'm hot _

_When I show her what I've got_

_Can't stick your_

_Can't stick your_

_Cannot stick your_

_Pecker in my face_

_(Cuz you're a girl and you don't have one)_

_Can't make my_

_Can't make my_

_Can't make my face a _

_Pecker face_

_(Bet you really wish you had one)_

_P-p-p-p-pecker face,_

_P-p-pecker face!_

Brittany: That's an anthem to sexism!

Alvin: Freeze!

(Brittany freezes)

(Alvin twists her into a position with her butt stuck in the air and the panties pulled down, looking ready for sex.)

Alvin: Now, Britt, if you could be a vampire again, would you? I certainly would, if not for the being evil and hypnotized part!

Brittany: I agree.

Now, Brittany, since you're so catty, you're going to be a cat!

Brittany: Meow.

Alvin: Good kitty. (Pets Brittany on the head)

Now, I sure as hell wouldn't let those dark assholes take over, Simon or no Simon!

Yeah, I hypnotized her before; it actually feels pretty good to be hypnotized. She does it, after all, with her smoldering seductiveness.

**Sexy Bitch says:**

**Ha**

Ha what? Oh well.

**Winddragon Eternal says:**

**LOL, sounds like the both of you are having so much fun!**

**Alvin, remember that dog suit I asked you about a while back then? Well, I dare you to wear it and do some role-playing while you're doing it with Brittany!**

**And Brittany, while you're being hypnotized into whatever Alvin wants you to do, see if you can get him to cover himself with peanut butter and lick it off of him? Sounds very evil!**

**For your song selections, how about Baby One More Time for Brittany and Love Games for Alvin? **

**Oh yeah, got a few questions for you:**

**Alvin, how are you able to air your show without alerting any censorhip boards? And how do you think this show's going to affect your carreer as a rockstar?**

**Britt, do you still keep that princess outfit you wore during your race around the world? If so, what does Alvin think when he sees you wearing it? **

**Do the both of you have a dream artist you would like to collaborate with someday?**

**And if the Darkmunks and Darkettes ever decide to pay you a visit again, feel free to give my OC Phelan a call. He's probably still on his quest to find and vanquish evil, but I'll do my best to contact him if you want him on the show (and he still has a crush on Brittany, too)**

Alvin: Well, Brittany is still stuck in that sexy pose… (runs out and comes back in a dog suit) Doggy having sexy with catty! Isn't that cross-bestiality sexy?  
>Brittany: Meow! (Like a cat in heat)<p>

Alvin: Woof! (jumps on top of Brittany)

(Brittany makes a sound like a female cat at sexual climax)

Alvin: Simon once made me watch this boring nature documentary – well, for once it wasn't boring! Gave me good ideas for doggie role-playing! Ass to ass, stuck together, like this!

(Alvin and Brittany are in a canine sexual pose. Brittany claws Alvin to get him away from her.)

Alvin: Oww! Well, she is a cat, after all. Well, since she's the one who's hypnotized, she's not going to make me wear peanut butter…

Brittany: Maaaahhhh….

Alvin: Well, that's cat lingo for peanut butter! Better go get some! (runs off stage and returns with a super size jar of peanut butter.) Theo must have left this here, hehe… (begins to apply it like sunscreen. Brittany purrs and begins to lick it off before Alvin is even done convering himself).

All right Brittany, time to sing Britney!

Brittany: Meow! Ahem, all right:

_Oh baby baby… _

_Oh baby baby…_

_Baby, baby,_

_How was I supposed to know…_

_Baby, baby,_

_I'd turn out to be such a ho…_

_I need _

_To be banged on daily_

_That is just the way that_

_I-I was made…_

_My horniness is killing me_

_I must confess, I'm humping things_

_Without a dick, I'm losing my mind_

_It would be sublime…_

_If you would fuck me one more time!_

_Baby, baby,_

_The reason I breathe is 'cause_

_I got your cum pumping orgasms_

_Oh pretty baby, without that I'm all messed up_

_It's like heroin withdrawal_

_I know _

_That it's hard on you too_

_So let us strike a deal and_

_Make it easier on the both of us_

_My horniness is killing me_

_I must confess, I'm humping things_

_Without a dick, I'm losing my mind_

_It would be sublime…_

_If you would fuck me one more time!_

Alvin: Excellent! Now, I got to sing LoveGame!

_Let's have some fun_

_And get real sick_

_I'm wanting you to ride_

_On my disco dick_

_I wanna fuck you_

_But you're ugly, from Timbuktu_

_AIDS infected_

_And stupid_

_But my ass got injected by Cupid_

_With hormonal rush_

_Hormonal rush_

_To make me want_

_A SexGame_

_Just strip down and touch me_

_Just foreplay for a minute_

_Baby just three seconds is enough_

_For my erection to quit it_

_Let's have some fun_

_You'll make me sick_

_But I still want you to ride_

_On my disco dick_

_Don't think too much_

_The condom fits_

_I'm wanting you to ride_

_On my disco dick_

_Let's play a SexGame_

_Play a SexGame_

_Do you want to spread HIV_

_Cause I won't let you _

_But we can still _

_Play a SexGame_

Brittany: Good.

Alvin: Well, it's shown so late at night, you know, the only time that nasty stuff is allowed to be shown, so the censorship boards don't really care.

As for my rock career, well, I think it will establish me as an adult alternative rocker as opposed to a kiddie music player! I'm growing up, people, and so is my music! I think that dirty parodies is the way to go for me!

Brittany: Meaah- well, yes, I kept it because it made for a pretty Halloween costume, but later I began to see it as a symbol of female oppression, so I burned it. I had outgrown it anyway.

Alvin: Hmm, who would I love to work with…

Brittany: Rebecca Black.

Alvin: You've got to be kidding me!

Brittany: No, I'm not.

Alvin: Oh, right. You're hypnotized. Of course you'd like that mindless retardedness…

As for me… (sniff) the Prince of Pop, but his cruel untimely death took that away from me! Well, at least Prince is still alive…

Ok, I'll call Phelan if the Darks (laughs) ever come back. But he'd better keep his hands off my Brittany!

**Chipmunkfanantic says:**

**Alright I got a good one for ya Britteny spears singing I love rock n roll**

Alvin: Britney Spears does not sing that! Try again… You can submit for next week, which – did I mention that next week is 80s week?

**Knk4891 says:**

**The Full House part cracked me up. **

**How old were you guys when you lost your virginity, and who did you lose it to? (sorry if this has already been asked)**

Alvin: Well, Brittany and I were nine, almost ten, around the time the series ended, which was no coincidence, to tell you the truth… Chipmunks mature faster sexually than people, you know, so it was only natural I do it with her at that age, she being the only female chipmunk around who would be willing to do that at such a young age. I knew I was a virgin, and I knew she was a virgin because I heard her scream when her cherry broke. It was right after we shot Chip Tracy, actually. Brittany got so jealous when she saw Jeanette kiss me that she wanted me to do it with her to make sure to seal our relationship with each other. And – well, one day they drew the curtains and caught us having a quickie, and, well, that was it for our show! Luckily, it didn't make headline news…

**Mr happyface says:**

**Theo's back! I just wanted to remind Alvin that he still has to drink a gallon of his own cum!**

**aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I wanted to update you guys on me and Eleanor! She loved the necklace and our relationship is INCREDIBLE! We're doing it 3 times a day now! and she gives the ABSOLUTE BEST blowjobs! AND I LOVE HER BOOBIES! They're sweeter than her cooking!**

**Oh yea and I dare Brittany to get a reverse liposuction. That's right she has to make herself FAT!**

Alvin: I already did that; it was mixed with al-you know, that CHO chemical! Pay attention – oh, it's Theo; what am I expecting?

Good for you. Even Brittany and I aren't that busy…hear that, Britt? We can't let them be the horny ones in the family! That title belongs to us! No one has sex more often than us!

Brittany: Ok, meow…purr…

Alvin: Well, you can blowjob me later. I forgot about this one last message from the Secret Inquirer.

**"Well Alvin, you certainly put on quite a spectacle last time xD Now how did Brittany's panites smell, and Brittany, whats the kinkiest thing you've ever done with him?"**

**Dare: "Alvin, since you said you like it you have to line up all 3 chipettes and smell each of their buttholes for 1 minute each, after each Chipette you must give us a report on how she smelled and how high you would rate her natural scent on a scale of 1-10, the winning Chipette will get then their anus licked by you, and Brittany, once he's done you have to put a vibrator deep in your vagina and try to hold still until you orgasm, you can still moan, talk and answer questions but you can't flinch from pleasure, if you do move more than 2 inches from the vibrator sensation then you have to sniff Alvin's butt wether your into that or not" :D**

Alvin: Well, I'm sorry, but only one of the Chipettes is here. I tried to get the others on set this week, especially after that dare to get brother to brother action, but I-well, if you have any good ideas on how to get them on set for eighties week, then PM me!

That's it for tonight's show! And remember to submit your favorite 80s hits for 80s week!

Brittany: Meow!


	8. 80s Week Part One

Brittany: Alvin, get up.

Alvin: (Wakes up on the set of Alvin and Brittany's Midnight Party House) Huh? What?

Brittany: It's 80s night, remember?

Alvin: Oh, yeah…

Brittany: (Dressed like Cyndi Lauper) Get your parachute pants on.

Alvin: Aww, man, do I have to wear pants?

Brittany: For right now, yes.

Alvin: (yawns) Anyway, fans… yup, it's 80s week this week at Alvin and Brittany's Midnight Party House. We're going to be singing all sorts of songs from the 80s tonight-

Simon: (Bursts in with Jeanette, Eleanor, and Theodore) Good evening, brother.

Alvin: W-what are you doing here? You swore you would never come back!

Simon: And miss 80s week? Not on my life!

Alvin: There's – there's some sort of catch, right?

Simon: Only this: You have to let me sing a dirty parody solo right here on the show.

Alvin: (Looks at Simon with eyes full of dirty thoughts) That can be arranged. But right now I'm going to-

Simon: RIGHT NOW.

Alvin: O…okay… hit it!

Simon: Karaoke for Oingo Boingo's Weird Science.

Alvin: You've got it.

Simon: (clears throat)

_Weird science_

_Plastic dildos up your ass_

_Rubber condoms and_

_Magic from the loins _

_We're making_

_Weird science_

_Things you've never done before_

_Behind closed doors_

_Erotic imagination_

_Weird science _

_Not what mother said to do_

_Making dreams come true_

_By pounding on her warm flesh_

_Weird science_

_Plastic dildos up your ass_

_Rubber condoms and_

_Rubber condoms and_

_Her orgasm… is it real?_

_It's my creation… her orgasm…_

Alvin: (turns off karaoke) Ok, ok, that's enough for now. Cool, Simon, I didn't know you had it in you. Oh, and, by the way, Adam Seville, your show still has zero votes! Simon and I are still tied for the lead with two votes apiece, although the only reason we're tied is probably because CosmicKitten89 showed her usual favoritism for Simon and voted for him herself-

Simon: CosmicKitten89 didn't vote, Alvin.

Alvin: Good, then. That wouldn't be fair. Ok, this one's actually from Adam's sponsor, chipmunkfanantic:

**you are so on Sucker and yes i can beat your Version of Witch Doctor lets see if you can beat my version of Power of love and I love rock n roll by Joan Jett I bet you cant**

Alvin: All right, I'm doing the Power of Love, and Brittany, you can do I Love Rock n Roll!

_The power of sex_

_Is a curious thing_

_Can make a tough man cringe_

_And a married man fling_

_Can make a meek deer_

_Into a crazy beast_

_More than an orgasm_

_That's the power of sex_

_Can make you money_

_Can earn you fame_

_If you make it as a porn star_

_And you're smoking hot as a flame_

_It hurts at first_

_But it's strong and sweet_

_Though it might just ruin your life_

_That's the power of sex_

Brittany: My turn!

_I saw that kid jacking off by the record machine_

_I swear that he was at least eighteen_

_I told him where I would be, and he slipped a Benjamin to me_

_And I knew it wouldn't be long _

_Before he was with me, yeah, me_

_Screaming and howling as he_

_Lost his virginity_

_Saying, I love fuck n roll_

_Make me cum and cum and cum and cum again, baby_

_I love fuck n roll_

_I'll pay you more tomorrow if you'll fuck with me!_

Alvin: Wonderful!

Theodore: Hey, Britt, did you get the reverse liposuction?

Brittany: As a matter of fact, I did! See how much bigger and banging my booty is?

Alvin: Yup! And I thought that she couldn't be improved on!

Brittany: What happened to your implants, Alvin:

Alvin: (snickers) I got the kind that dissolves and passes out of your body as water after a week!

Brittany: Well, that's not fair!

Alvin: Ooh, it's another one from the desk of the Secret Inquirer!

**Alvin: Does Brittany ever tie you up and tease you? **

**Brittany: Tell us about the first time you masturbated. **

**Dares of the week: **

**Alvin and Brittany have to each wear a butt plug for the rest of the show, Brittany will be tied to her chair with her hands behind her back, not Alvin cause he has enough to go though with his big dare pending from the last show. ;)**

Alvin: Haha, all the time! I kinda like it, actually!

Brittany: Well, I was a little girl, working a job in New York sweeping the floor, and I decided to play witch by riding the broomstick. It felt good, so I ran around the place humping it, and then I got fired, not just for not doing my job, but for being dirty in public.

Alvin: Well, I'm afraid that I don't have a butt plug, hehe…

Simon: Then take my earplugs, Alvin. One for each anus.

Alvin: Thank you. (Shoves the plug up his asshole and the other up Brittany's)

Brittany: Why do I always have to be tied up?

Alvin: Cause you are always tying me up. Besides, you look so hot this way.

Brittany: I do?

Alvin: Yup. Now, let's have a refresher on the Secret Inquirer's last dare:

**Well Alvin, you certainly put on quite a spectacle last time xD Now how did Brittany's panites smell, and Brittany, whats the kinkiest thing you've ever done with him?**

**Alvin, since you said you like it you have to line up all 3 chipettes and smell each of their buttholes for 1 minute each, after each Chipette you must give us a report on how she smelled and how high you would rate her natural scent on a scale of 1-10, the winning Chipette will get then their anus licked by you, and Brittany, once he's done you have to put a vibrator deep in your vagina and try to hold still until you orgasm, you can still moan, talk and answer questions but you can't flinch from pleasure, if you do move more than 2 inches from the vibrator sensation then you have to sniff Alvin's butt wether your into that or not :D**

Brittany: I like to play with his balls. I try to pull them out, telling him, I'm castrating you, Alvin! and he whines like a little pussy. I also hump on his balls, much to his displeasure.

Alvin: Well, Brittany's panties always smell like perfume; I guess she is uncomfortable about her own smell, since she is always perfuming her ass-

Brittany: That's baby powder.

Alvin: Time for an ass sniffing, Brittany!

(pulls Brittany's lower end out from the ropes and sniffs the butt)

Alvin: Smells like you just farted… rotten eggs… eew, I'd give it a 5… You're next, Jeanette.

(sniffs Jeanette's butthole, while Simon puts on a tense face)

Alvin: Niiice… mild, very natural, and non-poopy… an 8, maybe… can you beat that, Eleanor?

(sniffs Eleanor's butthole)

Alvin: Aaugh! Diarrhea shit scent! Eleanor, you need to learn to eat better! Ok, looks like you're the winner, Jeanette! Hey, Simon! How do you feel about me getting to lick your girlfriend's ass before you do?

Simon: Go right on ahead… all part of the show, after all. (sneaky look on face)

Alvin: Thanks. (licks Jeanette's anus while Jeanette cringes)

All right, Brittany, it's time I introduce you to little Alvin!

(pulls out a red vibrator with a yellow A on it)

Brittany: You carry a girl's vibrator around with you?

Alvin: For when I want an anal orgasm.

Brittany: And you named it. That is seriously f- (Alvin shoves vibrator up there) ohhh… (holds her body stiff)

Alvin: You'd better not flinch! OK, Britt, sing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

Brittany:

_I wake up_

_In the morning light_

_My boyfriend walks in_

_From work and says, "good night"_

_Which means no bang-bang time, that's totally messed up_

_Cause girls just wanna get fu-ucked,_

_Oh-ohh girls just wanna get fucked_

_I come home in the middle of the night_

_I scream at him, "When's our sex life gonna be right?_

_You don't treat me like your number one!"_

_Cause girls, they wanna get fu-ucked,_

_Oh-ohh girls just wanna get fucked_

_Girls, girls, they wanna, they wanna get_

_Girls just wanna, the wanna get-_

_When their boyfriend's home from work_

_Oh-ohh girls,_

_Girls just wanna get fucked!_

_Somebody takes this here beautiful girl_

_And rapes her away from the eyes of the world_

_Omigod, finally my day in the sun!_

_Girls, they wanna get fu-ucked_

_Girls just wanna get fucked!_

Alvin: Hmm… could've been better…

Brittany: I dare you to do better!

Alvin: First I'm going to read off this one from The Chipette Protector:

**Haha! Britt got it that time!**

**Now for '80's week, Brittany, u have to dress like they did back in the '80's and Alvin I dare u to hypnotize Britt to do anything u want w/o question!**

**Now for some questions:**

**Britt - Do u guys argue less scene in the second episode when u commanded him to not fight w/ u?**

**Alvin - Are u sure? Because when u were their slave it sounded like u would have... Would u really?**

**Britt - Is he telling the truth to the last question? **

**Alvin - What would u do if the Darks came back and made Britt completely forget about u, and then kidnapped her?**

**Enjoy!**

Brittany: Already done, see, I look like Cyndi Lauper!

Alvin: On our next show you are going to dress like Madonna!

Brittany: :And you are going to dress up like Michael Jackson instead of Boy George!

Alvin: At least I'm not homo like Boy George!

Brittany: You're bi, which is the next best thing.

Alvin: (Turns to Simon) Are you bi?

Simon: Whether I am or not is irrelevant. I do not condone incest.

Alvin: Aha! A closet queer! I knew it all along! You know you want to… I don't have any diseases or anything… and it's not like one of us will get pregnant with an inbred child…

Brittany: He-he-he-hem. (shaking from the vibrator)

Simon: Just hypnotize Brittany like the dare said to do.

Alvin: OK. (gets the yoyo out) Cool, it's an old 80s yoyo. Who knew that this old pair of parachute pants carried it? Ok, Brittany, you are going to SHAKE from that vibrator!

Brittany: (giggles and shakes vigorously)

Alvin: You lost Brittany! Now you gotta sniff my ass!

Brittany: (sniffs reluctantly) Eew, Alvin, don't you ever wipe? Smells sooo much worse than female ass!

Alvin: Wait a minute…? When did you ever smell female ass?

Brittany: In response to The Chipette Protector's question, no, we don't argue any less.

Alvin: Shitty 80s yoyo doesn't work correctly! I wish I had my good yoyo… Simon, got any of your hypno pills on hand?

Simon: Sorry.

Alvin: Fuck… so much for the dare. What do you mean, would you have what? Man, if those role-playing comic book geeks did that I would beat the flying hell out of them!

Simon: Alvin, they were the real deal.

Alvin: You know, last week's dare was for you and I to… (winks)

Simon: I will absolutely not have that! I haven't even done it with Jeanette yet!

Theodore: Hee hee, then now's a good time to start! Read my dare!

**I've got the ultimate dare of all dares! well more like a competition actually. Okay You me and Simon need to pair up with our respective girlfriends... and see who can make theirs orgasm the most in 5 minutes! Ellie and I are totally going to beat you!**

**Oh yeah and then we should enjoy some food play! I LOVE FOOD! AND PLAY!**

**Heehee Alvin, this show was totally the best idea EVER! I want to be a host!**

Simon: (gulps)

Jeanette: I don't think we're ready for that…

Alvin: Loosen up, you prudes! Just follow your animal instincts!

Theodore: Marshmallow cream makes excellent lubricant! Slippery and sticky at the same time! (smears it all over Eleanor)

Eleanor: Remember, Theo, we're doing it all the way over here.

Alvin: No way you will beat me and Britt! We are far more experienced; seen last show? We been doing it since we were nine!

Simon: Um, if you don't mind, we're… we're going to do it in the back.

Alvin: (strips off his parachute pants) Have it your way. LOSERS!

Simon: (sneaks back stage) All right, Adam, push the button.

**(BOOM!)**

Alvin: (all covered in sulfurous smoke) What the…?

Brittany: Eeew, now I really smell like rotten eggs!

(Simon, Jeanette, Eleanor, and Theodore are laughing.)

Alvin: My set… it's RUINED!  
>Simon: You've just been pranked by us and Adam Seville over there! (laughs) Now it's time for his show to take over!<p>

Alvin: NOOOO!

Simon: Also, I set it up so that the fans cannot view your show until morning!

Alvin: What? This is my Midnight Party House, not my Morning Party House! Imagine all the early rising little kids who will see it… it'll get cancelled! I swear, I… I'm gonna get you for this Adam! You're just jealous that nobody's heard of your show before and I'm getting all the votes! Fans, I swear this place will be fixed up before the end of the week so we can do 80s week part two!

Simon: But today, it's the END of your show! Good night, Alvin! See you in the morning!

Alvin: In the voice of Dave Seville, though not in the exact words…

SIMON!


	9. 80s Week Part Two

Alvin: Thank you, Simon, for fixing my set after blowing the hell out of it.

Simon: My pleasure. Now it's better than ever.

Alvin: It was all that stupid Adam's fault…

Simon: Now, be a good sport, Alvin, he felt really bad about what he did. Although you did sort of deserve it for trying to rape me on your show. Now, if you don't mind, I need rest so I can have energy to do my show tomorrow…

Alvin: Wait a minute! Who said you could leave? (sly look on face)

Simon: If you don't mind, I never agreed for you to hold me hostage here…

Alvin: Oh, but it's still 80s week…

Simon: Actually, your last episode was nine days ago, so technically, np.

Alvin: Hold on! It's still 80s week if I say it is! Why don't you sing "She Blinded Me With Science"?

Simon: Tempting, but at this moment the thought of being in bed, off this set and safe from molestation on your part is more so.

Alvin: Well, I'm not letting you leave until you sing!

Simon: (sighs) Okay…

_She's poetry in motion_

_Brimming with sexuality_

_Vagina deep as ocean_

_Our orgasms in harmony…_

_She blinded me with… sex!_

_And aced me in her chemistry…_

There, I'm done.

Alvin: That was it?

Simon: That was it. Can I go home now?

Alvin: Fine, then. I, Q, take him home!

Simon: NOOO! Not the freaky Q with the hole in the center of his body? How is that even possible? It's not often that I can say this, but it makes my brain want to explode!

(I and Q come to drag him away)

Please, make them let go of me!

(I and Q drag him out the door.)

Alvin: Good to be rid of that wet blanket, eh, Brittany?

Brittany: OK, now make me a wet blanket!

Alvin: HOOOLD on, first I must read this note from the desk of the Secret Inquirer:

**Brittany: When did you sniff a girls behind? You said you did last time! :O**

**Alvin: Have you ever played out an interrogation scene with Brittany? If so, explain the scenario in detail, who is submissive and what the tortures are, etc.**

**Dare of the week: Brittany, jerk off, tickle or suck on Alvin's penis and keep him on the edge for the rest of the show. Alvin's not allowed to cum tonight! :D**

Brittany: Hey, I never said that I sniffed a girl's behind, I just said that it smells better than Alvin's!

Alvin: Well, you had to have found that out somehow!

Brittany: Well, I just imagine… (sighs) OK. I, uh, well, one time Jeanette fell flat on her ass on my face, and I got a noseful of her ass.

Alvin: Did it smell good?

Brittany: What can I say? It smelled like ass. And then there was the time that Eleanor had her fat ass shoved in my face when we were little girls on the train to California. And the time that I was doing yoga and I actually managed to twist backwards far enough to smell my own ass.

Alvin: Okaaaay… Well, remember the Valentine's episode when Brittany said that she was going to make me sorry that I played that whole Captain Chipmunk trick on her? Well, part of it was submitting to her crazy S and M in which she played a villain with mustachios who tied me up, dressed as Captain Chipmunk and threatened to hit me with a toy train until I agreed to lick her pussy. To be fair, when we were shooting Chip Tracy, I got to interrogate her while we were still in costumes. I suspected her of hiding money in her snatch, and I took a little flashlight and searched up there, and then I stuck my finger up there to grab it, and since my finger wasn't long enough…

Brittany: OK, now, unzip, Alvin!

Alvin: Oh jizz… (unzips pants to Michael Jackson costume)

Brittany: Doesn't that feel good? Don't you just want to… cum?

Alvin: That Secret Inquirer has NO idea how hard it is to stop a man once he is… ooh, to take my mind off of this, I shall sing an 80s song:

_They were like beauty queens from a movie scene _

_I said, hey whores, what do you mean I am the one_

_Who will fuck you just for fun_

_Their names were Brittany and Jean, and they caused a scene_

_As they stripped for me, viewed by eyes that dreamed of being the one_

_Who would fuck them just for fun_

_People always tell me, to be more of a prude_

_And not to fuck two girls at once_

_And mother always told me you've got to pick and choose_

_Which girl will be your one_

_Brittany, not Jean, is my love_

_Jean's just a geek who thinks I am the one_

_But the kid is Simon's son…_

Ugh… I cannot concentrate enough to think of a really good song…

Brittany: OK, I'll stop if you read another review.

Alvin: OK, oh jeez, it's from Adam's sponsor:

**oh yea Alvin my OC owned you OWNED you And we just copied your Idea of that Nickleback song and did a totaly better job the title of that was I wanna be a Pornstar so get ready to be pranked every few episodes by Second oc Jill Seville **

**actually to Clairify I was not Jealous I did it for Simon Jeanette Theodore and Eleanor Back on episode 3 I thought of the perfect way to get you back and it seems like it worked so in the words of Ian Hawke well in those words **

**OH yea i have won Alvin i have won**

Alvin: WHAT? That fucking copycat! He stole the idea for my Nickelback song AND the idea for my show! Why I oughta – oh, and by the way, Adam, you have NOT won. I have won. Last time I checked, I had more votes than you. Two to love, love.

Simon: Actually, Alvin, last time I checked, I had three votes, Adam still had zero, and you still had two, which means that I won.

Alvin: Oh, shit, does this mean that we both have to give up our shows for a month?

Simon: No, as winner, I am calling off that little wager.

Alvin: Wait a minute… I thought that the I and Q dragged you off!

Simon: I deactivated them.

Alvin: Brittany, since you're dressed as Madonna, go sing a Madonna song.

Brittany:

_Some boys pay me_

_Some boys play me_

_I think that the're hot_

_But if they don't go all the way_

_Then stay with them I will not_

_They can beg and they can plead_

_But they can't see the light_

_That the boy with the big long dick_

_Is always Mr. Right_

_Cause we are living in a sexual world_

_And I am a sexual girl_

_You know that we are living in a sexual world_

_And I am a sexual girl!_

_Some boys prance and some boys dance_

_And I think that they're fine_

_But if they're really prudish_

_Then I will not call them mi-ine_

_And those guys will try to buy _

_Me but my price is steep_

_Only boys that cum on first dates_

_Help me get to slee-eep_

_Because we're living in a sexual world_

_And I am a sexual girl_

_You know that we are living in a sexual world_

_And I am a sexual girl!_

Alvin: Well, not your best…

Brittany: Now give me that-

Alvin: Nooo… ah hah ha, ohhh… augh! Don't…

Simon: (covers eyes) This really shouldn't be done on television…

Alvin: Hey, lemme read this one from Munk19:

**Awww Alvin! :( I cannot believe that happened to you. What is worse is that your siblings and friends were all in it. Why would Simon destroy and change your show. It sounds like betrayal by your own brother to me! Anyways how did you feel about your show being destroyed like that? What are you going to to about it?**

Alvin: Well, he did it as a prank… to get back at me for ah-… for that threesome thing I tried to get him to do… and I really don't have to do anything about it since – aah, Brittany… he already fixed it…

Here's one from The Chipette Protector:

**OOOOHHHHHH!**

**What's next? **

**I hope ur show isn't cancelled...**

**Anyway, If it's not then, Simon has been secretly making a hypno-ray. I dare u to use it on Brittany and her sisters and make them do anything u want! But u have to make them freeze completely (No talking either) 3 times per chipette.**

**To hand over ur show to ur evil version of u. **

**Britt - Have u ever had Alvin drink a love potion to fall for u?**

**Alvin - What would u do if Brittany suddenly feel in love w/ Simon?**

**Enjoy!**

Alvin: No, it isn't cancelled… Simon, gimme that hypno-ray!

Simon: Sorry. I left it at home.

Alvin: Well you're bringing it next week!

What about my evil version of me?

Brittany: No. Simon wouldn't invent a love potion. He says it's unethical to force people to fall in love with you.

Alvin: Well, if that happened, I would take Simon's hypno-ray and hypnotize him into making that love potion to make her fall back in love with me!

Simon: You wouldn't have to hypnotize me! Unless by some twist in reality I loved Brittany back…

Alvin: Ohh, not Mr happyface, aka Theo again…

**Alvin I really hope this doesn't get cancelled! It's the best show ever! Oh, and are you nervous about our little contest? Ellie and I are totally gonna beat you! In fact I've found her special spot! BRING IT ON!**

Theodore: SURPRISE! And we brought Jeanette too!

Alvin: Well, you are not hosting my show.

Simon: And I am not participating. Jeanette and I had promised no sex until marriage-

Jeanette: And no marriage until grad school.

Alvin: Come on, live a little! Have some while it's still hot!

Eleanor… Ohhh….

Alvin: Well, it's too bad, because I'm not allowed to cum for the rest of the show…

Theodore: Awww, man… OK, maybe next show…

Alvin: Anyway, here's a question from Jaqueline Bach:

**how would EACH describe the three incarnations of Dave Seville(60's Dave [.com/characters/Alvin-The-Chipmunks/Dave-Seville/] = Ross Bagdasarian Sr.; 80's/90's Dave [.] = Ross Bagdasarian Jr; 00's Dave [.com/celebrities/jason-lee]- Jason Lee)? I am planning to incorporate all three into one in my story SHADES OF GRAY. As well as Janice Karman and their kids?**

**What are each of your opinions on Clyde Crashcup (and Leonardo)? How would each of you describe them?**

Alvin: Well, I like 80s Dave the best, since I'm 80s Alvin.

Brittany: Yeah, 80s Dave is hot…

Alvin: Well, yeah, I guess… and 00's Dave is just not handsome enough…

Simon: Yeah, he seemed older and crankier.

Theodore: I thought 50s Dave seemed pretty nice.

Alvin: All 50s Dave cares about is forcing his poor chipmunks to sing all the time!

Simon: But you are clearly 50s Dave's favorite.

Alvin: Yeah, and you are 80s Dave's favorite.

Simon: Not in the episode Good Old Simon…

Alvin: Well, Clyde Crashcup is a stupid crackpot.

Simon: Well, he has had a few successes… he has a bad case of delusions of grandeur. It's in the form of a rare psychological illness that causes you to be unconscious of the object's actual existence so that when the thought of the actual object pops into your head, you actually believe that it's one of your own thoughts.

Theodore: I think he's funny.

Alvin: Leonardo is just a stupid shorty guy who-

Simon: His sane assistant.

Theodore: I like him.

Alvin: Now here's this last one from… Charlene the Chipette?

**Hello my sweet daughter Brittany!**

**What an excellent show you run here! Now I see you have found a boy that you really like!**

**I have some questions for you:**

**How are you controlling him dear?**

**Are you keeping your sisters out of trouble?**

**How old are you?**

**and when can I meet this boy that you like so much? And do Jeanette and Eleanor have boyfriends? Have they ever done it with their boyfriends?**

**Well, I think I have a dare for you -**

**Alvin right? I dare you to do it with my daughter, but you have to freeze her while your kissing her. And once your done, make her fall asleep until you kiss her tomorrow. She told me before we got separated that she wanted her boyfriend to do that when she was older.**

Brittany: My… mother? Umm… well, I control him sexually, see?

Jeanette: Actually, her sisters are keeping her out of trouble.

Brittany: Not very well, though. (laughs)

Wait a minute… if you are my mother, shouldn't you know how old I am?

Alvin: I like the dare!

Brittany: I don't remember ever wanting to play Sleeping Beauty as a little baby…

Alvin: We already played Sleeping Beauty, remember?

Brittany: Yes… OK, Alvin, although I am suspicious of this Charlene woman, I'll agree to her little game…

Alvin: (Kisses Brittany) Freeze my darling… freeze… now… sleep…

(Brittany snores)

Alvin: Well, I guess that's it for the show! It would be nice of more of you sent SONG REQUESTS!


	10. Naughty, Naughty

Alvin's set has a sign that says "Alvin and Brittany's Midnight Party House" in bright LED lightbulbs. There are naughty pictures everywhere, and Alvin is dressed in a loincloth like in The Chipmunk Adventure, while Brittany is dressed in her harem girl outfit from that movie.

Alvin: Welcome back everyone!

Brittany: Yes, now that 80s week is FINALLY over… hmph, more like 80s month-

Alvin: We've got a song that we would like to sing! I wrote it during 80s week, but since it was a spoof of a song from the 90s, I didn't think it would be appropriate…

_I can show you a world_

_Sexy, glimmering, splendid…_

_Miss Prude, now tell me_

_When did you last let your boobs flap free?_

_Let me open my pants_

_To show my glorious member_

_Out in public, wherever_

_At a nudist colony…_

_A whole nude world_

_Where folks are naked in plain view_

_Nobody there will care_

'_Bout what you wear_

_Or if you're wearing nothing…_

Brittany:

_A whole nude world_

_Where I can wear my birthday suit_

_But when I'm cooped in here_

_It's crystal clear_

_That I want out in a whole nude world with you_

_Unbelievable sights_

_Exhibitionists doing_

_Hand jobs, blow jobs, and screwing_

_All beneath the bright lit sky_

_A whole nude world_

Alvin:

_Children, cover your eyes_

Brittany:

_A hundred thousand naked peeps_

Alvin:

_Nowhere else could be better_

Brittany:

_You can be a porn star_

_In your backyard_

_No going back to wearing clothes for meeee…_

Alvin: Well, I was looking up naughty stuff on Youtube a couple of days ago, and I found out that somebody else wrote a parody of "A Whole New World" that they called "A Whole Nude World". Hehe…

Brittany: You plagiarized!

Alvin: No, I didn't, I swear! I wrote the whole song before I heard about the other version. Well, most of it anyway…

The other version was great, though… I wish we thought of it first… I'd sing it right here, but I don't want to get sued for plagiarism, so look it up on Youtube if you want to compare it to mine, and then on the next episode of our show, tell us which one you like better.

By the way, I am VERY disappointed that none of you have taken on my dare to sing one of my dirty parodies in public! I would also appreciate it if on the next episode my fans would tell me which of my songs they like best!

Brittany: Just answer the viewer's reviews.

Alvin: Okay, um… Here's one from The Chipette Protector:

**Cool! I wonder if that Charlene was the Chipettes mother...**

**Anyway, Alvin, just 'borrow' it before the show. There's an idea!**

**Here's some questions:**

**Alvin - What would u do if Jeanette or Eleanor began to flirt w/ u?**

**And what would u do if one of ur fangirls wanted to 'do it' w/ u?**

**Brittany - What would u do if Alvin started to date one of ur sisters instead of u?**

**Enjoy!**

Alvin: Um, what's "it"… Oh! Simon's hypno-ray! Yup, already got it! Hehe, he doesn't even know that I borrowed it! Now, anyway…

Jeanette, now, I would flirt back!

Eleanor, I would tell that fatass off!

Brittany: I wouldn't tell Eleanor off if I were you…

Alvin: As for my fangirls, well, I am known to be… very generous to my fans…

Brittany: You have been tested for STDs, right?

Alvin: Yup, and I'm positive for gonorrhea!

Brittany: AAAAAH!

Alvin: Just kidding. I'm all clean. I use condoms!

Brittany: Well, if I ever caught you doing IT with one of your fangirls, let alone my sisters, I would… I would smack you so hard… Ugh! I would kill you!

_Right now, he's prob'ly havin' a quickie_

_With a bleach blonde whore, cause I know he ain't too picky_

_Right now, he's probably spiking_

_Her daiquiri with date rape drug while he shoots whiskey_

_Right now, he's probably playing billiards_

_With a pool stick against her vag _

_While she gives him a hand job_

_She don't know how…_

_I'll dig my knife into her side _

_And get blood all over his four wheel drive_

_And carve my name into his ass _

_Until he screams_

_I'll take a Louisville slugger to both their heads_

_At least until the bitch is dead_

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats…_

_Right now, she's prob'ly up singing_

_Some white trash version of Chipmunk karaoke_

_Right now, she's probably either_

_Passed out drunk_

_Or shouting at him, "Fuck me! Fuck me!"_

_Right now, he's prob'ly fapping to a pic of her_

_While she screws her other boyfriend first…_

_And they don't know…_

_That I'll dig my knife into her side_

_Get blood all over his four wheel drive_

_Carve my name into his ass until he screams…_

_I'll take a Louisville slugger to both their heads_

_Beat 'em until that bitch is dead_

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats…_

Alvin: Jeez, Brittany, you don't need to be so violent, hehe…

**Hey, it's your mother, Charlene the Chipette again!**

**Yes, I am your mother, you and your sisters probably don't remember me because u all were so young when you were munknapped... *sniffles***

**And didn't you say that u travelled through time? So then how old are u currently?**

**It's so nice to see that you girls are doing well. And I can prove that you are my girls, check Jeanette's first pair of glasses, the ones I gave her. I inscribed a note to her on it.**

**It should say:**

**'My Dear Jeanette, Always remember that you are beautiful no matter what anyone says, and use these glasses to allow you to have sight in your world.**

**Your Dearest Mother'**

**Anyway Alvin, you were supposed to Freeze Brittany while kissing her, then do 'it' with her an then make her sleep.**

**So now I dare my oldest daughter Brittany to hypnotize ur boyfriend into a dog for u and make him eat some dog treats and fetch a frizzbee.**

**I hope you enjoy it Brittany!**

**Your Loving Mother,**

**Charlene**

Brittany: Well, it's too bad… Jeanette lost her first pair of glasses a long time ago. Either that or they were broken…

Alvin: Well, I did do "it" with her while she was frozen asleep… hehe… what a strange request from your mother! Hehe, what a card, huh, Brit?

Brittany: Oh, look! It's Beyonce!

Alvin: (drools) Where?

(Brittany digs into his pocket and takes the hypno-ray and aims at Alvin.)

Alvin: WOOF!

Brittany: Good doggy. Now, catch the Frisbee!

(Alvin leaps up and catches the Frisbee.)

Brittany: Good doggy. Now for some treats. I don't have dog treats, so it'll have to be cat treats.

(Brittany tosses cookies at Alvin.)

Brittany: Now, Alvin, give me whatever else is hiding in your pocket.

Alvin: (hands Brittany a bottle of what looks like liquor)

Brittany: Hmm, what is this? There is no label on it… (sniffs the inside) Hmm, it smells like… ooh, good stuff! (swallows some)

Here, doggie, have some!

(Alvin eagerly licks the bottle)

Brittany: Wow, this hypno ray works really well!

Ok, ok, now The Chipette Protector has a song request for you:

**I just remembered a song request I wanted to ask before:**

**Alvin, sing Leather Pants from LittleKuriboh (or CardgamesFTW)**

**Enjoy!**

Alvin: To tell you the truth, I have never heard of that song in my life, so I'm just going to skip it…

Brittany: To tell you the truth, we make up most of our songs on the spot. But we also have internet here so we can look up songs that we don't know and make up parodies of them!

(7 minutes later)

Alvin: Haha, it's a Lady Gaga Bad Romance parody! Haha, they want Yugioh's leather pants! This one's dedicated to Simon, him and his Smarty Pants!

Whoa oa oa oa oah, o-o-o-o-o-ohhhh….

Let's take his smarty pants

Whoa oa oa oa oah, o-o-o-o-o-ohhhh…

Get in his smarty pants…

Ra, rah, ha ha ha-ah

Ha ha oo na na-nah

Ga ga, ooh cha chaa…

We want his smarty pants

We're getting ready,

We're bikini waxed

After I fuck you

I am wearing your slacks

Right on my tush

Tush, tush, tush,

My sexy tush…

We want your boxers, thongs and overalls

Can't get them from shopping at Wally World

Their clothes are crap

Crap, crap, crap, their clothes are crap

Brother, you know that we want them,

To be smart we need them

We want the pants

Your smarty pants

Me and Brittany will be smarter than you

After we take your smarty pants

Who o o o oah

Me and Brittany will take our revenge

When we get in your smarty pants…

Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh oh…

Let's get in his smarty pants

Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh oh …

Give us the fucking pants…

Bla, bla, mama mia,

We're babbling like big dummies

We need a boost of smartness

Give us the smarty pants

We don't want skirts, kilts, dresses or skorts

We're both quite stupid, but we wanna be smart

Though we're both hot

Hot hot hot, we're really sexy!

Brittany: That, like the rest of it, doesn't rhyme…

Alvin: SHUT UP! I AM LADY GAGA!

I can't read War and Peace

It's too long and hard

Gimme some smartness,

I want my brain to be as big

As my cock

Cock, cock, who the cock is Hitchcock?

You know that we're stupid

And you know that we need them

We want the pants

The smarty pants

Me and Brittany will be smarter than you

She and I will take your smarty pants

Me and Brittany will have our revenge

By getting in your smarty pants…

Whoa oa oa oa oa, oh oh oh oh oh…

Your sexy smarty pants

Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh…

We will steal your smarty pants…

Ta ta, ma ma ma, pa pa, za za za fa fa fa la lla,

Take off his smarty pants…

Ba ba, fra fra fra,

Fla fla, bla blah bra,

Bra, bra, boobie bra ah,

I like these silly noises…

Wear, wear, smartness, baby,

Super genius is so sexy,

We want your brains, your pants, and revenge

We want smarty pants, you're just a brother and friend

Nos queremos sus pantalones inteligentes

WHY AM I SPEAKING SPANISH?

I want to speak every language…

Polish, German and French…

I can with smarty pants…

Take off your smarty pants!

Me and Brittany will be smarter than you

When we finally get your smarty pants

(Simon suddenly comes in)

Alvin runs over to Simon and grabs his legs.

Alvin:

Ha, ha, mwah ha ha,

Gah, gosh, ha ha ha…

Muah ha mwah mwah mwah!

We've got his smarty pan-

(Gasps. Simon is wearing no pants underneath his sweatshirt.)

Alvin: What the…?

Simon: (Blushing and horrified) You KNOW that I sometimes go without wearing pants or even underwear while wearing this long sweatshirt!

Alvin: AHA! Secret pervert!

Simon: It's not that, it's… (sighs) I don't know, ask the animators…

Brittany: Alvin, you got a little too into the song there.

Simon: And I don't intend on staying long, I just want my hypno ray back before you cause too much trouble with it.

Alvin: WHAT? NO WAY!

Simon: Alvin, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid that I overheard the authorities talking about dropping by your show for a visit.

Alvin: So it's that awesome, huh?

Simon: Well, no, um… Anyways, I hope that you haven't been drinking any dimethyl ether, as you insist it is.

Alvin: (toasts a vodka martini with Brittany) Of course it's not dimetho-whatever that is! It's alcohol! (Swigs the entire glass down)

Simon: Alvin, if the cops hear you say that, they are going to want to know how old you two are…

Alvin: I'm twenty, and, well, Brit's not sure of her birthday…

Brittany: I checked Australia's birth records, me and my sisters are nineteen.

Simon: (Gasps) You really shouldn't say that…

Alvin: Well, I have had the urge to say random truthful things since I drank out of this little liquor bottle I found in your lab. I didn't know you drank, Simon.

Simon: That's not liquor, that's experimental truth serum!

Alvin: Oh, well, that explains it.

(Police burst in from hiding)

Police: Aha, we heard everything! Let me smell your breath.

(Police check Alvin's breath, Brittany's breath, and Simon's breath)

Police: The blue one is clean. The other two are under arrest.

Alvin: You also ought to shut our show down for all the explicit sexual activity on set.

Police: What? You mean an unlicensed porno show?

Brittany: Yep. But please don't shut it down, we promise we'll tone the sex down, and since we're on truth serum, you can believe that promise.

Alvin: Good thing I've got this… (takes out the hypno ray)

Police: What's that we've got there, a weapon? (Takes it and smashes it)

You two are going down town, and you're show is also canceled.

Alvin: What? NOOO! I'm sorry! Fans, I promise, I'll get my show back, I will, I WILL bust out of the slammer soon, and I'll BE BAAAAACK!

Simon: (turns off the camera)


	11. We're BAAAACK!

Alvin and Brittany are back! They are not in jail any more, and their show is airing again, but the studio director airs it under these conditions:

Alvin and Brittany are not allowed to drink alcohol (at least until they turn 21)

Alvin and Brittany are NOT allowed to engage in explicit sexual activity; implicit, however (R-rated under-the-covers fumbles as opposed to naked porn shows) is fine.

Finally, (and a bummer for the viewers) Alvin and Brittany's Midnight Party House can only air once a month.

Alvin: We're BAAAACK! We're back, we're back, we're back' we're back, we're baaaaack!

Brittany: All right, I get it, we're back! Now, no booze, no nakedness, and only one show a month, so we've gotta make it a good one – but how can we make it a good one without booze or nakedness!

Alvin: By singing dirty songs! This one's called Semen Anatomy:

_Porn market, scorned market,_

_Sometimes I wonder how I ever got in,_

_Flesh market, best market,_

_Sometimes I wonder why I think that at all-_

_Semen comes in a little ball sack_

Brittany:

_A little ball sack?_

Alvin:  
><em>A little ball sack.<em>

_And that little ball sack _

_Is wired to the cock _

_Like a battery_

_And the cock extends_

_And goes somewhere inside your anatomy_

_And the cum comes out_

_And then you're ready for a pregnancy._

Brittany:

_Porn hottie_

_Porn hottie_

_Sometimes I wonder why you're such a hottie_

_Porn hottie_

_Porn hottie_

_Sometimes I wonder why it's gotta be you…_

Alvin:

_Now Brittany's _

_Got nymphomania_

Brittany:

_Nymphomania?_

Alvin:

_Nymphomania._

_And as a nymphomaniac,_

_She needs a little cure for the longing_

_And a little cure comes in a little ball sack_

_And a cock shoved up her anatomy_

_And the cum comes out_

_And dear Britt is risking a pregnancy._

Brittany:

_I can't feel nothing but O…_

Alvin: Thank you, thank you! Just remember that I love rock opera, so if you got any such requests, we will eat them up!

Brittany: Um, remember your little battle of the bands with chipmunkfanantic?

**ha ha ha ha ha ha sucks to be you Alvin but i must say . Dont forget our little Battle of the Bands on Set Live around the world . dont forget Alvin**

Alvin: Well, sure we can have a battle of the bands – if you're willing to stay up all night! Haha, I bet Adam's bedtime is eight o'clock!

Brittany: Here's some more of those wacky Yu-Gi-Oh! song requests, this time from theodorefan100:

**Ok Alvin, you and Brittany have to do a remix of the Yu Gi Oh Abridged songs "Out There" and "Jaden's Rap!"**

Alvin: Well, I've never heard of those songs… (goes to Youtube on his iPhone)

HAHAHA… that abridged Yu-Gi-Oh! series is so fucking funny… Almost as funny as my parody show! Have you guys all watched the Chipmunks Parody Show, by the way?

Brittany: Forget that, just get the lyrics and do the song!

Alvin: You're just pissed that you haven't been in the parody show yet!

Brittany: You're damn right I'm pissed!

Alvin: Well, it's not my fault that they don't put you in a lot of episodes! It's my show, after all! You girls are just second bananas to us boys, and my brothers are just second bananas to me, which I guess makes you a third banana, and since your sisters are second banana to you, I guess that makes them fourth bananas!

But you do get a part in the next episode! As a matter of fact, your name is in the title!

Brittany: You don't say! Wait, you mean a parody of "The Legend of Sleeping Brittany"? I'm ASLEEP FOR NEARLY THE ENTIRE EPISODE!

Alvin: No, you're stoned.

Anyway, I cannot find the lyrics to those songs…

Brittany: Alvin' you're so lame…

Alvin: So if you can find them, theodorefan100, just send them to my sponsor in a PM and she'll help me write a funny parody!

Anyway, The Chipette Protector says, regarding last week:

**NNNNOOOOO!**

**well, it was fun while it lasted...**

Alvin: I'm back already! Hehe, did you guys really think a little thing such as getting arrested would keep me down? I'M an ICON! I'M a LEGEND! I'M FAMOUS! What Alvin Seville wants, Alvin Seville gets!

Brittany: Enough, already. There's one last review, from Theodore, aka Mr happyface:

**Hey Alvin! You should change this into a live webcast! You know like icarly or something! They can't control you then! Oh and I'll pay for your bail if you want me to!**

**By the way, we still need to do that contest! I understand if you cant do it now but I can wait for it! Just promis me we will!**

Alvin: Simon already payed the bail, Theodore, get with the program! And our show is live; it's just not webcast-

Brittany: But that's actually not a bad idea! Internet is the wave of the future, after all!

Alvin: Yeah, the internet does have television beat in nearly everything… but you do realize that Youtube is not a safe place for chipmunks anymore, right?

Brittany: What do you mean?

Alvin: All of my adoring fans are having their video tributes to ME – I mean, us – banned! And all the fans whose accounts have been banned! I'm surprised they haven't done anything with our sponsor's Chipmunks Parody Show! Although Simon is planning on adding an Ask Simon segment to that show – but don't tell him I told you that; it's supposed to be a surprise!

Oh, and Theo, I'm afraid we will have to do that in private. Unless Simon cooks up another one of those – well, hehe, look here, we're all out of reviews! I am VERY DISAPPOINTED in you fans! You should have known that I would be back!

Anyway, this is all you're getting until next month – that's right, next month! It sucks, I know, but I expect to have PLENTY more reviews come next month, what with – that's like four whole weeks of waiting… well, technically next month starts on the first. (winks)

Oh, and shall I repeat my dare? I expect each of you guys to take one of my classic dirty parodies and sing it in public – or at the very least to your parents, or friends, or somebody else who might find it shocking – and then tell me how it went!

Now I shall reiterate it with a microphone so that you all remember:

**I expect each of you guys to take one of my classic dirty parodies and sing it in public – or at the very least to your parents, or friends, or somebody else who might find it shocking – and then tell me how it went!**


	12. That Sexy Simon

Alvin: It's next month, and we're BAAACK!

Brittany: Yep, and all our restrictions got removed!

Alvin: It tells how in this letter from theodorefan100:

**Don't worry Alvin, I'll get your show back on the air like it used to be. (Walks in to the studio office and speaks to the boss) You WILL remove all restrictions on Alvin and Brittany's Midnight House Party.**

**Boss Guy: I will remove all restrictions on Alvin and Brittany's Midnight House Party.**

**You will NEVER again try to prevent any of their shinanagans.**

**Boss Guy: I will never again try to prevent any of their shinanagans.**

**Good day.**

**Boss Guy: Good day.**

**No need to thank me guys, now get back to your old dirtyness.**

Alvin: So we gonna be as naked as we want tonight! (Strips off all of his clothes except for his cap)

Brittany: Alvie, won't you undress me?

Alvin: Sheesh, what a lazy ass! Undress yourself!

Brittany: Hmmph! I thought that you would find it a pleasure to undress me!

Alvin: Just kidding. (Tries to undo Brittany's bra and rips it)

Brittany: ALVIN! YOU RIPPED MY BEST VICTORIA'S SECRET BRA! YOU'RE GONNA PAY…

Alvin: Well, I hope these are not your best Victoria's Secret panties! (Snatches Brittany's lacy red panties and rips them)

Goddamn, Brit, your diaper is dripping! Did you cum tonight?

Brittany: I was dildo-ing, not screwing around if that's what you're thinking!

Alvin: Okay, then. Well, before I introduce our show's new feature, let's read a little letter from the Secret Inquirer:

**Alvin, has Brittany ever engaged in breath play with you? Brittany, have you ever masturbated in a semi public area such as the backyard or a pool or movie theater or something?**

**And for your dares, Alvin, its your turn to torture Brittany, suck her pussy without letting her orgasm AT ALL, let her whine and beg all she wants but she must not cum tonight ;D**

Alvin: Breath play? Hmm, I thought about doing it before, but never got around to that… I think I will try it out sometime, what do you say, Britt?

Brittany: Yep, I will suffocate you with my asshole!

Alvin: Well, your turn to answer your question, baby!

Brittany: Umm, (laughs gently) yep, all the time actually. When I am going up the escalator, for example, I will push my crotch against the rail and it will RUB me SO GOOD as it pushes me up. Oh, and when I am on a merry-go-round, I bounce up and down on the horse and rub against the pole. When I am in the pool, I rub the water noodle under me, and I put my crotch up to the hole on the side of the pool where the water is being blown out… aaahhh… As for the movie theater, well, the rest of the audience just thinks I am at the edge of my seat!

Alvin: Aw, man, Britt, you sure know the ways! No wonder you went cum in your panties! But you ain't gonna cum no more tonight! (Puts his face to Brittany's pussy)

Brittany: Ahaha, that tickles, feels like a pussy's licking my pussy…

Alvin: A WHAT?

Brittany: Not that I would know… Probably feel rougher with the cat's rougher tongue… (tightens up) I will not cum, I will not cum…

Alvin: I will suction the cum out, hehehe…

Brittany: Ooh… can we stop for a moment to introduce our show's new feature?

Alvin: Certainly! You see, Simon is a virgin – and I am assuming Jeanette is too, right?

Brittany: Yep. She refuses to wear tampons because she's afraid of breaking her hymen.

Alvin: Yep, well, anyway, Simon even volunteered to use his lie detector to prove that he wasn't lying. And I know that the lie detector isn't fixed; it has even ratted him out a few times. But he wouldn't volunteer to have it answer other questions about his personal life. But I figured, being around a girl as hot as Jeanette all the time, he must get urges, and he needs to let those urges out somehow. So I decided to secretly record these attempts of his to manage his urges, and OH GOD, have we found some dirtyass shit! Now get ready to watch…

Alvin and Brittany: SIMON'S HAPPY TIME!

Alvin: I can't WAIT to show the audience the video… I got one of Simon going Japanese into a test tube… and then I swear, he was cumming while doing a chemistry experiment… and while reading a book on quantum mechanics or something… maaan, he must really like that shit; I suppose I would like studying too if I found math and science to be that erotic…

Brittany: Teehee, I ought to capture some of Jeanette's dirty exploits!

Alvin: Where the HELL is my video?

Brittany: Oh, well, let's respond to some viewers.

Alvin: Wait, WAIT! Now, now, you remember how the viewers have been wanting to see me do it with Simon, right?

Brittany: But Simon's not here.

Alvin: Who says he has to be? (naughty lustful look in eye)

(Takes out cell phone and speed dials Simon)

Alvin: Hello? Simon?

Simon: You better have a good reason for calling me at this time of night.

Alvin: (plays with himself; his eyes get squinty and swirl around) Yes, a VERY good reason!

Simon: Well, what is that VERY good reason?

Alvin: Ohhh… Well, I'll tell you as soon as Brittany's done blowing up a – Brittany, what the hell are you blowing up?

Brittany: A life-size Simon blowup doll. (sighs)

Simon: What exactly is she blowing up?

Alvin: Balloons.

Simon: I don't even want to know what purpose those serve…

Brittany: I'm done! Now let me listen to his sexy voice!

Alvin: She's done! Now she wants to talk to you for a second –

Brittany: (flirtatiously) Hi, Simon. Uh, I mean, h-how would you like to guest-star on our next show?

Simon: And why would I come onto your show?

Brittany: (humps Simon doll and gets cum all over it) Ohh, Simon… I mean, um, trying not to lose my head in this sexy environment… I-

Alvin: MY turn! (snatches phone and blowup doll)

Ignore Brittany. I meant to ask you, have you seen my DVD recordings labeled "Happy Days"?

Brittany: Put him on speakerphone!

Simon: I didn't know you watched Happy Days.

Alvin: Aaah… your voice, Simon… very… what's the word? Eloquent. You should have your own talk show so everybody can listen to you…

Simon: I already have my own talk show.

Alvin: Oh, that's right!

Simon: Does this conversation have a point?

Alvin: Oh, right, the Happy Days DVDs.

Simon: Couldn't you wait until the morning to ask me where your Happy Days DVDs are?

Alvin: What did you say?

Simon: (sighs) I said, COULDN'T YOU WAIT UNTIL THE MORNING TO ASK ME WHERE YOUR HAPPY DAYS DVDS ARE?

Alvin: Aah, I'm so wet…

Simon: Maybe if you would quit banging on Brittany for one second you could hear what I am saying.

Alvin: (very quietly) I'm not banging on Brittany… I'm banging on you.

Simon: WHAT?

Alvin: I said, don't be banging on Brittany, and I asked, is Jeanette banging on you?

Simon: Good night, Alvin.

Alvin: WAIT! I need those Happy Days DVDs right now for the show!

Simon: Happy Days on Alvin and Brittany's Midnight Party House… That does not compute, Alvin.

Brittany: You still didn't put him on speakerphone!

Alvin: (tosses Simon blowup at Brittany's face and knocks her down) They're not really Happy Days… they are dirty redubbed parodies of Happy Days.

Simon: Alvin, if you think I'm-

Brittany: (Takes phone) Uuuummmm, Simon, before Alvin interrupted, I was going to tell you, I would like you to guest-star on our show to educate our viewers about STDs and stuff.

Simon: Hmm, for educational purposes, I believe I will reconsider. Brittany, what's that noise?

Brittany: (bounces on Simon doll's booty) Oh, just the balloons I'm blowing up…

Simon: Well I'm going to bed. Night. (hangs up)

Alvin: Haha, he just lost his phone virginity!

Brittany: Well not exactly; I've caught Jeanette screwing him over the phone before. But he's still half a phone virgin, unless he's been fapping her over the phone…

Alvin: Actually, he has. (snickers) But we will have to wait until next month to show the evidence, I guess. Let's just answer the other questions:

**Genesis1000 asks:**

**Hello guys,**

**Could you do I Want It All from Queen.**

**And a question for Brittany:**

**Do you really love Alvin?**

**Thank you and i love your show.**

Brittany: Yes, I really do love Alvin; he sometimes gets on my nerves, like a little brother, but that doesn't mean I don't love him, does it?

Alvin: All right, get ready for I Want It All!

_Imagine having the job of our dreams_

_Don't you want it?_

Brittany: _Maybe_

Alvin: _Can't you see it?_

Brittany: Kinda

Alvin_: Imagine first naked photo shoot they see me_

_And I get the lead_

Brittany: _A part for me?_

Alvin: _Well of course!_

Brittany: _Yeah right!_

Alvin: _You gotta believe it_

Brittany: _Keep talking_

Alvin: _Porn stars of great fame_

Brittany: _Alvin and what's her name?_

Alvin: _Sound erotic?_

Brittany: _Neurotic._

Alvin_: Let's do it then!_

Brittany: _Legs open._

Alvin: _Condoms, the pill, and the KY gel_

Brittany: _WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?_

Alvin: _My dirty parody song_

Brittany: _It's not Queen!_

Alvin: _Say what?_

Brittany: _IT's NOT QUEEN!_

Alvin: _Speak louder_

_Don't you see that louder is sexy_

_And sexy is louder_

_I want you to moan super loud!_

_Oh oh oh…_

_Don't you want it all?_

_You want it, you know that you want it,_

_Fake boobs, plastic pussy, and more…_

_You want it, you know that you want it,_

_Gotta be the star of that show…_

_I want it all, nothing less,_

_Whips and chains, all the press_

_Calling you and I prostitutes…_

_I want it all!_

_You want it, you know that you want it,_

_Your hot bod on the cover of Playboy!_

Brittany: ENOUGH! The reviewer asked you to do Queen's I Want It All, not the song from High School Musical 3!

Alvin: Oh, did they? I'm sorry, I didn't even know Queen had a song with that title! I promise I will do it next week – I mean, next month – after I learn the lyrics, OK?

Brittany: (FACEPALM)

How embarrassing for you…

Alvin: All right, let's just forget I ever sang that song, OK, and I will answer chipmunkfanantic's question right now:

**Once again Alvin your wrong I dont have any set time i get to stay up as long as i want even untill Morning i bet you cant do that stay up till the sun rises . But Just remember all 11 of us are guest Staring on your Show Only this time we pick the songs and i bet that you have never heard of us Adam and the chipmunks its no Joke we can teleport when ever we want oh (giggles)since your show is back that your not the only one that has a Band oh but its not just only three or six now 11 thats right Ihave a band of my own Plus we even have a Larger Fan Base than Both your Groups Combined . oh yea to top that we even have Buildings Dedicated to us as well and we even get to star in our next Live CGI Movie and its set for Decemeber 10th while the Actual Movie is set for December 16th and our song Selections are going to be Smashing oh and be sure to check out the trailer that I just released as well . Adam Seville Lead Singer of Adam and the chipmunks . Well Alvin that was my top lead singer and i have a few Questions for you Mostly .**

**Alvin How Serious are you with Brittany in your Relationship ?**

**Alvin Whats it Like Singing with Brittany and her sisters on Stage ?**

**Anyway do you play Dukenukem 3d on the PC? I bet you cant Beat the third episode and get to the end Boss at the end as well**

Alvin: You BET I can stay up until the sun rises!

Brittany: Only if he drinks Red Bull.

Alvin: Well tonight I am drinking Jagermeister!

Brittany: Alvin, we're only 20!

Alvin: So? According to our birth certificates, we're in our thirties!

Brittany: Oh, that's right, we time traveled, so how are they supposed to know how old we really are?

Alvin: (Drinks from a big bottle of Jagermeister) Ahh, now, to answer your questions, chipmunkfanantic, I love singing with the sexy Chipettes. It makes me feel like the owner of an exotic harem. And Brittany and I are VERY serious, as you can see. We do each other all the time, each other, and no one else… Although I might sometimes let another girl blow me…

Brittany: (slaps Alvin)

Alvin: Hey, I haven't done another girl's vagina since… well before you and I got serious. But I will do other girls in the asshole, since you don't like me to do you in the asshole… Here, have some Jagermeister, it tastes like yummy cough syrup…

Brittany: I hate cough syrup!

Alvin: Fine, then! Have yourself a fruity margarita for all I care!

Oh, and by the way, I can beat the entire Duke Nukem 3D game in one day!

Oh, and here's one from Adam Seville:

**So alvin at last we meet so Next month eh that would give me Plenty of time to Start Cooking up new ideas but like i said in chipmunkfanatic's last review we are going to star in Adam and the chipmunks :Chipwrecked The Trailer is Already released and oh yea I think its time that i tell you that your Band Alvin and the chipmunks is known threw out the Chipmunk MultiVerse and so are we and the same for Brittany and the chipettes but anyway instead of two smart People we have three our Simon Jeanette and Jill who just built an InterDimentional antimatter Transporter It allows us to Transport anywhere inthe chipmunk Multiverse Counting your universe Alvin oh and to put it in a nutshell we can transport to any universe any time and lock in the Coridenents and transport to your Set Starting Next Month. so Catch ya then **

**Oh I have one Question Directed at Brittany**

**Brittany if you could give up your Singing Career for your Dreams what would it Be ?**

**Alvin How many Girls have you been with before Brittany ?**

**Brittany whats the one thing you love about Alvin ?**

Brittany: Well, my singing career is my dream. But I have other dreams such as acting, and dancing, and modeling, and, well, I kind of like being a porn star.

Alvin: Well, haha, after Brittany I lost count.

Brittany: Well, right now I'm having a hard time thinking of one thing I love about Alvin.

Alvin: How about this, baby? (Kisses her and begins shoving his dong up her crotch)

Brittany: Aahh… yes, I do love that…

Now, someonespecial is asking you a question, Alvin:

**who's sexier, nicki minaj or beyonce?**

**can yall sing a dirty parody of 'did it on em' by nicki minaj**

Alvin: Beyonce, by a long shot! She got the perfect booty! Hell, Nicki looks like a black Lady Gaga! But sure, we can do a dirty parody of her song, even though it's already dirty:

_Cummed on em, I just cummed on em, _

_Cummed on em, put your erected cocks in the air if you just did it on em_

_All these bitches is my daughters_

_And I'ma go an get some rubbers for em_

_Stretch the rubber out, over their heads to suffocate em_

_If I had a puss, I would shove em up and then abort em_

Brittany: You better not think of suffocating ME with a condom!

Alvin: Relax, Britt, it's just a song! And quite frankly, it's hard to dirty up a song that's already so explicitly dirty. Next time, if you please, send in a song that's either completely wholesome for me to make dirty or a song full of dirty innuendo for me to make explicit.

Well, I guess that's it for this month! Sorry that we didn't get to show Simon's Happy Time! In the meantime I'll go nag our sponsor into putting it on Youtube – and if you want to nag her as well, that would be greatly appreciated.

Oh, and by the way, CosmicKitten89 has been singing my dirty songs to her friends and they LOVE them! When are some of my viewers going to do the same and then share how it went?

Nobody's taking on my dare? Now, COME ON! Are you all a bunch of pussy chickens?


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